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i'm done (my life story) - lexii raiinbow lyrics

ever since i was a kid i was never okay
there was a monster stuck inside of me
every single day

my mom never asked why
i had all of those bruises
you would think
it’s ’cause i played outside
f*ck it who accuses
but i hit myself
tried to break my bones
and it’s a miracle
that i made it
to my teenage years
f*ck it i’m not beautiful
i hated myself
from the very first day
and then in my teenage years
i discovered the blade
it was love at first cut
and then it was so dangerous
my best friend
did it too
not knowing that
it could endanger us
it was everything i wanted
it fulfilled all of my wishes
didn’t know that ten years from now
i’d be getting fifty*five stitches
and then came the hospital
i stayed for seven days
didn’t know that ten
years from now it’d be
forty times to date
it’s really probably
more than that
it’s not much of a life
getting shots up in the ass
because of the f*cking knife
ativan, halidol, and f*cking benadryl
only numb from
the pain for hours
and i really can’t stay still
restrained so
i don’t hurt myself
and inject me with the drugs
but i’ll do it all again
don’t give no sh*t no f*cks
but then i was clean
for a year and 8 months
relapsing f*cked
my life up
i got 1 month coming up
when i’m clean
i am the happiest
my family’s relieved too
the knife is number one
that’s farthest
from the truth
i remember that
i have no control
and he f*cking raped me
and then i want to cut again
remembering what’s shady
i loved you more than anything
and sometimes it’s still true
i slit my wrist
i slit my throat
all because of you
and then i still remember
my old f*cking dad leaving
i’ve really never got over that
still i’m silently grieving
i now have 1 month clean
under my f*cking belt
and i’m happier
f*ck the pain and
all the sh*t i felt
yeah i survived and
i’m gonna live a
f*cking happy life
and never ever again
will i touch
the f*cking knife

- lexii raiinbow lyrics

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