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gretchen / cellar door - lewis is dead lyrics

just when i got my f-cking life back in order sh-t f-cking me up
she crying saying she let another man in her guts
and what’s worse is that i just was feeling good about us
and now i’m on the road about to drive into this truck
who the f-ck c an i talk to
shawn down to ride for whatever sh-t i’m gon do
even if i wrong you
constants
how would it be if i was you
never thought i’d wonder what would beyoncé do
i can still feel it pick at me like this sh-t don’t belittle me
a little bit of history turning me to cinder
please, hide from the wolf now
all of this rage
i want that n-gga’s f-cking number address and his name
i’ll pack the knives up
find a wood chipper to eat his size up
if only it was possible to eat the f-cking lies up
i died some
even worse i couldn’t even cry some
part of me is sick in the head
i theorize that i’m socio
is he gemini or a scorpio
no matter how they align
his stars is bound to f-cking blow
i overdosed on keeping my composure around my homies though
so much that i went home and hit anything that was close to throw
my acne came back from the stress k!lling my good looks
a blind man could place his hand on me and read a good book
i battle with the feeling if i’m attractive enough
i remember you saying i wasn’t active enough
and all the demons came back now
i was tryna focus on getting my first million
now that sh-t went to the background
i wanna be a k!ller cuz you f-cked another n-gga
i always knew my innocence was temporary filler
man
how the f-ck could i feel her
could i f-ck
could i fill her
do you think about him or is this sh-t sincere
i don’t know how to deal with all the visions in my head of you in a n-gga bed
if i died would you go and move on with him instead
wait
silly me
i’m that n-gga that these b-tches wanna see
it’s you or me
the first one to bite is the first one to eat
you played a good game now i want my f-cking feast
beginning of the end is when i got this f-cking beat
could give a f-ck less who the f-ck in your sheets with all the fish in the pond
all these other n-ggas weak
b-tch

paranoia got me hiding plates from my best friends and seeing them as enemies
i thought some good sleep and good p-ssy would be the remedy
but that sh-t wasn’t meant for me
i think i found forgiveness in my heart
but there’s still steps for me
i still find myself in the mirror unrecognizable
i still find my health really dire and unreliable
i fear when i sleep at night
motherf-cker if i even get to sleep at night
muhf-cka if i block out
black blood in me it never stops now
the pain settles deep in my body
i’m like a rock now
not a f-cking chain in this world could keep me colder than i already am in this world
rue the day that i ever f-cking came in this world
there’s no solace except for on this track list
blacklist my dollars
i don’t know if you’ll recognize me when i’m back b-tch
i’m that sh-t
live my life backwards
i guess i only go to understand how i’ve lasted

- lewis is dead lyrics

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