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the line - larry grossman lyrics

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[harry]
(over the p.a.)
and now, here’s leroy “lay*’em*in*the*aisles” dobbs * and i mean lay’em in the aisles! * backed by his string of earle’s pearls!

(onstage. lights come up on the girls, dressed as pullman porters, as leroy runs on.)

[girls]
he’s the man with the line
on the b and o line
and they’re standin’ in line
just to hear him be clever
deliver a gag
while he carries the bag
he’s the funniest funny man еver!

he’ll brighten your day
hе’ll lighten your load
’cause he knows why the chicken crossed the road

everything is gonna be just fine
’cause you’re with
the man with
the line

[leroy]
(to the audience)
you know, i have no problem with s*x! why, me? i get s*x almost every night!
almost monday!

almost tuesday!

almost wednesday!

i got more lines
then carter’s got pills
more lines
then a porcupine’s got quills

(a subtle change of light, as his thoughts begin to take over. behind him in the dimness, the girls continue dancing soundlessly.)

but never the right line for you, satin

i should have said, “back off”
hold on
“don’t talk about some perfect man to me”
i should have said, “look here
look good
this here’s your man
that’s what i mean to be

“dammit, ev’ry time we see each other
why do you start seeing red?
see this man inside instead…”
that’s
what i should have said
but i came up with a line
didn’t say what i feel
won’t i ever draw the line
between what’s funny
and what’s real

just ’cause you never see me sad
you think that i don’t give a happy d*mn
just ’cause i tell my jokes up here
it’s like you say
you think that’s who i am

“if the only way i know to get you
is to get you into bed…
that’s the only way i know…”
that’s what i should have said

but i’m ready with a line
i’m so easy to read
always throwin’ out a line
never catchin’ what i need

“girl
i want you
for mine”
that
should have been
the line

(the lights change back, as reality returns.)

[girls]
he’s the man with the line
on the b and o line

[leroy]
hey, don’t draw a line * to me, everything is funny!

[girls]
you’ll howl and you’ll hoot
when he brushes your suit
’cause his style is so d*mn sunny
ha ha!

everything is gonna be just fine
’cause you’re with the man with the*

[leroy]
almost thursday! almost friday! almost sat*rday, oh, well…

[girls]
you’re with
the man with
the line!

- larry grossman lyrics

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