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i get myself out - larry grossman lyrics

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(the alley next to the theater.)

[gus]
plenty ‘o’ times
i’ve been in plenty o’ jams
like back in nineteen*aught*six
the frisco fire

curtain goes up
i mean, it really goes up
and i’m about to become
a baked banana for hire

but me
i get myself out
i’m watchin’ the rafters
come tumblin’ down and how

i run
i get myself out
it’s maybe the only time
i didn’t run back for a bow!

betty baroque
that was the name of the girl
oh, how that stripper could shake
just standing still
mad for the dame
too bad the boors felt the same
so he takes off after me
me, i take off for brazil

yeah, me
i get myself out
i’m waving goodbye to betty
from the boat

’cause he
says, get the h*ll out!
with kind of a certain voice
and kind of a gun in his coat

pre*senting now
that comedy master
that singular grin
above that double chin

here he is now
di*rect from disaster
can he get himself out
o’ what he got himself in?

(a bum stumbles up, hand extended.)
[bum]
hey, mister * nickel for a cup o’ coffee?

(gus fishes one out of his pocket, hands it to him; the bum moves on. slowly, gus turns, staring after him.)

[gus]
whaddya know *
did i just get an idea?
did opportunity knock
or just my knees?

i mustn’t be scared
a boy scout’s always prepared
y’ make the best of what’s there

(he gestures to the bums.)

even from goats y’ get cheese!

and me
i get myself out
there’s never a spot so tight
i can’t squeeze through

so me
i’m goin’ for broke
(brandishing a dollar.)

hey, fellas * who wants to make their big debut?

any of you bums wanna be in show business, huh? line up, don’t push

(nothing. he digs among them, lifting one, then another.)

you wanna make a buck?

(nothing.)

hey, pal, you wanna make a buck?

(behind him, one of the bums, doyle, gaunt, unshaven, has pulled himself up, staggering over to touch him. gus turns to look at him. doyle indicates he’ll join.)

bingo, you’re the lucky fella!

(as he pulls doyle after him toward the stage door.)

i fall headfirst
but when i land
i’ll be the first to lend a hand
the minute that
i hear me shout
“hey, get me out!”

- larry grossman lyrics

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