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cutter's cry - kotharsis lyrics

why couldn’t i be more like everyone else
moms and dads, friends, lovers, wealth and health
i guess i’m a defect, is this a curse
will it ever be lifted, is it something i deserve
so far, all i’ve known is pain and dysfunction
and it must be my fault * guess i earned this compunction
but i won’t sit idly by, vile and vilified
with no alibi, a blight incited on all of your lives

you hate me, just admit it, it’s conditioned
the world only makes sense to me if i’m unforgiven
i’m sorry i was nеver gifted
i’m sorry i was made so diffеrent
now it’s time i come face to face with fate’s judgment
isolation’s not enough, give me my punishment
you’ve hurt me enough, i can do it myself
and i know better than you where the damage can be dealt
adrenaline! this feels so much more genuine
visceral pain’s made me forget about the mental one
i hate it, they lied, there’s no pleasure in this * it hurts
cold at first while the blade’s in, and then it burns
overwhelming my thoughts, my mind’s in fragments
completely forgot, all about my detachment
it’s a good start, but i’ve still got to repent
bear the mark of my sins right on my skin

you see only what i want you to see
i’m like a secret agent in the house of all my enemies
i know how to smile to hide the sadness
too hot for long sleeves? beats showing the scratches
i spent a lot of time on this social clown mask
they’ll never know about the chains around my inner outcast
sometimes i let a little of me go free
look at me * is it really just about not fulfilling my needs

i get a hug and a bit of consolement
a relief at first then my conscience is scolded
i’m so selfish, trying to be the center of attention
now i hide from mirrors cuz i hate my reflection
talk to a counselor, another stranger, wait
why should i tell you about what i can’t even face
i scream for help, but then i reject it
guess i don’t wanna be cured of this infection
every day another crime i’ve got to answer for
so many second chances that i can’t afford
i scream i wish i wasn’t born as i cut from the top
it won’t clot, this time i can’t get the bleeding to stop
the world’s better without me anyway
but i’m a coward, too afraid to go away
so i’ll repent until the world frees me of sin
bear the mark of my atonement right on my skin

do it again * do it again
do it again * you control it
do it again * do it again
do it again * you control it

i’ve reached into the belly of the beast you’re not alone
you’re all in the same dark deep i used to call home
not ashamed to admit i’m a trauma survivor
and with a little help, i found my revival
i was sold a microcosm as if it were the earth
an illusion that conditioned a belief in no worth
thought i’d find refuge in friends who were unstable
turns out it’s bad to be surrounded by your enablers

to my loved ones, i’m sorry i didn’t see the truth
every cut in me was a cut into you
i never wanna see that look on your face again
it’s what galvanizes me when the pain descends
all i ever wanted was to be in control
and with the right people around me i can finally feel whole
i can finally say with no fear
i can proudly say it * i’m still here
the world is a complex place, easy to be lost
and i hope this story gives you pause for thought
and if you’ve ever felt like you don’t belong
join me as we prove this world wrong
you matter, you’re worthy, we’re worse without you
you got so many allies, look around * now choose
keep feeding that demon of destruction every day
or for your own sake * put down the blade

- kotharsis lyrics

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