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just checking in… - kole xidas lyrics

just checking in… lyrics
i’ve been traveling the galaxy
still trying to piece together reality
i check in on my psyche, swallowed up by my anxiety
hide me away inside my room, i’m a prisoner of my own making
abandoned all my note*taking, i’ve accepted that i’m just a piece of sh*t
i don’t like to admit my faults, but i’m ready to submit
to the embrace of the reaper, been trying to cheat her but i can’t
i’m just a man who’s been failing since before the loop began
and i’m tired of fighting
lighting a fire under me does nothing but burn
whether or not i make it through this is none of your concern
didn’t want this fate, but i know that it’s the one that i earned
i’m all out of order, and i have been for a while now
driving to your house, but i’m still a mile out
eyes down, i ain’t never been proud of who i am
losing was always the plan

closure eludes me like a thief in the night
i’ve been battling the phantoms but i’m tired of the fight
i’m ready to quit, i’ll give up my soul on the eclipse
turn apathetic to the parasite eating me away bit by bit
i’m a bitter shadow of the man i used to be
passively letting sh*t slide, let you keep on using me
your cuts never pierced the skin, they always delved deeper
spot me in the moonlight holding hands with the reaper
she’s a keeper i swear, might let her take me through the gates
drive her to the beaches where i took her on our first dates
i’m at the beginning of the end
hit the point of no return, all that’s left is the descent
losing track of where i started, only certain where i’m going
i’ve been smoking with angel too often, still feel like i’m floating
but i’m being dragged down by the truth of the matter
i’m a f*ckin’ d*ckhead who’s stuck underneath the ladder
and all i can see are the red balloons hovering above me
tried to start my recovery, just turned into a junkie
addicted to the hollow rush that’ll end up k!lling me
at least when i give out, there won’t be no one missing me

- kole xidas lyrics

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