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i wish i knew - keze lyrics

[verse]
i’ll only die after my mom dies
i don’t wanna see her cry seein’ me lie face forward in my coffin
restin’ my eyes for the f*ckin’ final time
when i was 5, she told me that, “if you die
i’ll follow in your footsteps and k!ll myself and fly high”
not only did that traumatize
but now i got this weight on my chest to just not die
stranger’s eyes as i pass by, why they lookin’ at me, why they lookin’ at me?
hands on my face as i start to cry
everyone in black, head down, prayin’ to the sky
i see your face plastered on a poster
set up on a stand, at your feet are roses
your face is palе white like a ghost is
i’m so distraught, i can’t focus, f*ck
the pain nеver ends and i wish i knew why
i’ve fallen into the void and i cannot escape
all my heart does is break, dead bodies in my dreams
all this sh*t i can’t take, pain’s a hard thing to shake, uh
stranger’s eyes watchin’ every single move
all this godd*mn time and i’m still out of my groove
who’s gotta approve all this sh*t i be f*ckin’ doin’?
i wish i could off myself, but i gotta keep it movin’
i forgot to feed my dog and now she’s dead
negative thoughts in my head, i wish i knew where i went
and when i died, but if i found out, i’d probably cry
that sh*t makes me terrified
then, there’s the question of my body when i pass
do i get it cremated or bury me with the rest?
will i die before my parents?
i wish i didn’t have these thoughts, f*ck, uh
i didn’t have a lot of friends growin’ up
birthday invites were sent out but n0body would show up
my dad sayin’ he worried ’bout me and sh*t
drive by during recess to check on me and sh*t, uh
i built up an emotional wall to barricade my thoughts
i was a loner, i was lost
lifeless bodies in caskets haunt me
i wish i knew a cure for me
i’m sorry i’m not a perfect son
i wish i knew how to be a better one
and i wish i knew how to stop f*ckin’ apologizin’
if i didn’t, i knew that i’d be lyin’
am i a good friend?
am i a good lover?
are the people in my life hidin’ all their feelings under covers?
under covers, under covers, under covers
i wish i knew
i wish i knew
i wish i knew
i wish i knew
i wish i knew
i wish i knew
[instrumental outro]

- keze lyrics

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