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how to bury a parent - keze lyrics

[part 1]

[intro]
head north on first street for logan street
turn right onto sinclair street, then turn right onto washington 25 south
head south on logan street toward morgan street
state highway 2 east, then turn right onto morgan street
i’m speaking directly to my father now

[verse]
i don’t have a whole lotta time left
so i wanna make this quick ’cause all i do is wake up, drive, and go to work
all this f*cking grief, i feel like sh*t
i’m still in awe of all the sh*t that you did
the drugs in your system disregard how i feel
so stressed out that i’m eating like six meals
i’m like 260 now, what the f*ck, man?
i think the moment that i found out it was real
was me and adrian found that f*cking note
in that note, you expressed a desire to go
you blamed it on mе, i didn’t know why, though
you called me and your girlfriend monеy hungry, like a bottomless pit
why didn’t you just talk to me?
why the f*ck did you have a kid in the first place?
i started unrecognizing your face
it got to the point where all i did was worry and fret
about if today was the day that i found you f*cking dead in your bed
all i wanted was a father*son bond
even though i knew it wasn’t that from the start
your death got mom freaking out
about her own mortality and sh*t
sometimes she’ll just sit and reminisce
but i know that’s her way of acceptance
’cause we all on a one way track
girlfriend telling me to find a new religion
hard to figure out, it’s hard to see the vision
it’s hard to see clear in a world of fog
even though we weren’t on the best terms
i still look for his [?] from the past
think about all the goofy sh*t that you did
i wish i f*cking could have you back
([?])
but i know it don’t work like that
i don’t even give a f*ck if this sh*t rhymes
or if the verse is coherent or not
i just want you to know that i miss you
(you know, bruh, i gotta [?] recording, it’s tough
i just, i don’t, i don’t know that i*)
everyone talks about you to me
about how your dad was a great history
all i saw was the demons creeping out
all i saw was a man full of doubt
when someone asks you, “how your dad?”, it’s always a little awkward
how do i explain to them that you just had a dangerous c*cktail?
f*ck
[outro]
i was always afraid that you were going to die
during, um
during my childhood and sh*t
i was quite literally always afraid of that sh*t
ask any*
my girlfriend, my ex*girlfriends
i had dreams about your death
it was like a foretelling almost
it stressed me out every single time and i just*
i didn’t know how to react to that, so i just lashed out and i just*
i don’t know what to f*cking do with myself anymore, man, i don’t know
i need*

[part 2]

[spoken word]
rather than, um, making a whole song about my father, i’d thought i’d, uh*
i’d thought i’d recite a poem i wrote
it’s called, uh, it’s called “how to bury a parent”
during this time, i want everyone to think about someone close to them, you know, that they’ve lost, you know
don’t be afraid to say their name out loud
you know, never let their memory die ’cause one day humans are just gonna* they’re just gonna disappear
the memories that we have right now are all* are all* you know
we’re gonna have left, so
[poem]
my father’s name was, uh, miles tareski
he was born in 1962 and in the 80s, he would marry what eventually would become my mom
he then proceeded to have one child, which, you know, en ended up being me
he owned a business, an auto*repair business
and he ran that business from the 80s all the way up until, uh, 2016 when he sold that business and retired
he was loved and respected throughout the whole community of the small, little town that we lived in
he had a f*ck ton of siblings, he f*cking*
lots of* lots of aunts and uncles for me, let me tell ya
but in, uh, in 2012, he was in a pretty gnarly accident and, uh, this accident left him with lots of damage to his body
damage that, in his mind, he could only ever fix with medication
on top of that, he was a heavy drinker, you know, he had been the whole time i knew as a parent
this combined with a doctor who never knew how to say no to him, you know, it eventually led to his demise ten years later
my mom found him passed away august 7, 2022 in his home
and i think about this story [?] more than any story any parent has read to me when i was a kid
i think about this story more than the lessons that were taught to me in high school
more than the memories of all my friends together for the last time
i think about this story the most because this story has become me
whether i like it or not, i can either adapt or succumb
that’s how grief is, so
i may have inherited a heart disease from my family and i may be dead in the next 20 years based on this concept
and when i pass, i want people to remember me as their story
i want people to miss me like i would* like i miss my father
so here i am at your gravesite, with your ashes locked up in a nice box, ready to be fed back to the earth
this is how you bury a parent
and these are my restless dreams
thank you
goodbye

- keze lyrics

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