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abstinence the musical - kevin lynch (nj) lyrics

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[verse 1]
a broken house a broken home has left you feeling all alone
a one night stand you’ll soon forget, those special pills you should have kept
the one who left you took what they wanted
but there’s another way. there’s always another way!

[chorus 1]
abstinence! cream in your sock and not inside me
the circumstance is my legs are closed and it’s a wonderful feeling
no kids, no s*x
save my money on condoms and lube, even though my thighs are wet

[verse 2]
you spend your time a wonderin’ how your body makes you feel
but what’s the use of wonderin’ if what you’ve got’s a belt of steel?
you’re feeling itchy, a hand’s gone south
look for adventure and an open mouth. wait!
there’s another way. there’s always another way!

[chorus 2]
abstinence! take out the d*ld* and shove it inside me
the circumf’rence feels warm in my ass, and it’s a wonderful feeling
no stress, unwind
no more douche bags or astro glide, even though my hole is tight
no oh, oh, kids. no oh, oh, s*x
save my money on condoms and lube, even though my thighs are wet
[bridge]
i need a vasectomy so i can be happy
because we’re only meant to pee

[chorus 3]
abstinence! the speakers in health class told us we’re crazy
give no s*x a chance. think of those baby’s you’ll save in the long run
no trips to the abortion clinic (don’t k!ll it)
don’t waste that time standing in line
abstinence! let your nature be hidden inside you
don’t unzip your pants. be a free spirit and look to the future
if you want freedom then don’t cum inside me!

[chorus 4]
no kids. no s*x
save my money on condoms and lube, even though my thighs are wet

[tag]
abstinence! oh, yeah
abstinence! oh, yeah
abstinence! oh, yeah
abstinence! oh, oh hoe yeah!

- kevin lynch nj lyrics

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