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you can't call me kev anymore - kevin bloody wilson lyrics

got off the red high special from london,
i’d been over there four or five weeks,
playin’ gigs all over the place
from inverness to southend-on-sea,
and me mates at the gate were waitin’,
“g’day kev” they all shouted in chorus,
i said “hang on you blokes now look this is not a joke
but you’s can’t call me kev anymore”,
and they said “what? f-ckin’ what?!”
gotta call me mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss
changed me name a bit since i seen you’s last,
but i ain’t changed i just changed me name,
to mohammed arkkmahr lickmah-ss..

at first they thought i was jokin’,
but they know i don’t tell ’em porky pies
i said, “you’ll be trippin’ on your tongue for a couple’a months
but you’ll get used to sayin’ it after a while,
then the cans in the hands started shakin’,
as they slipped from their grip and hit the floor,
i said i’m thinkin’ ’bout this i’m not takin’ the p-ss
you just can’t call me kev anymore,
and they said “what! f-ckin’ what?!”
gotta call me mohammed arkkmahr lickmah-ss
changed my name a bit since i seen you’s last,
but i ain’t changed i just changed me name,
to mohammed arkkmahr lickmah-ss.

you see i ran into this arab bloke in london,
he was drivin’ a cab at the time,
bit of a fender bender in the car park
and look, no one was hurt and we were both fine,
yep just a bit of a scratch and that was that,
and, really no one was to blame,
so instead’a gettin’ the coppers involved
we agreed to exchange names,
“what? f-ckin’ what?!”
swapped mine for mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss
changed my name with him since i seen you’s last,
but i ain’t changed i just changed me name,
to mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss.

so if you see an arab cabbie in london,
with a funny little thingy on his head,
and he’s playin’ camel music in his mini-cab,
that’d be him, that’ll be him, that’ll be kev,
so slip him a tip if you think of it,
when he drops you off where you gotta go,
then give him a decent slap on the back and say
“mohammed says h-llo”,
then he says “what? f-cking what?
my new friend, mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss
he calls me kev, funny b-st-rd,
hope he’s liking his new name,
mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss.

mohammed arkmahr lickmah-ss”.

- kevin bloody wilson lyrics

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