the perfect ten - kevin bloody wilson lyrics
i just seen the movie 10, and i’m a fairly normal man,
but a ten i reckon’s every man’s desire,
so with that playin’ on me mind i went out to try and find a perfect
ten,
help put out the fire,
found this joint i’d heard about, where the sheilas all hung out
i paid me dough they stamped me hand and i went inside,
but i didn’t see no tens, must’a all f-cked off by then,
oh well hang around a while check out the nines,
there’s a nine sat at a table so i went over said “g’day”,
but she just sat there starin’ dough-eyed at the stage,
must be a groupie for the band no tellin’ what she’s caught from them
f-ckin’ poofters i’d be better off with an eight.
now this eye tied bird’s an eight, a-grade body, pretty face,
but these dago disco debs just ain’t my style,
and her dress looked like she’d stole it off a f-ckin’ toilet roll,
and her make-up had been slapped on with a trail,
i’d even settle for a seven, ’cause i’ve had a beer or two,
and i’m prepared to bend the rules a little bit,
and i’ll try and overlook the fact she’s not all that good lookin’,
hehe, as long as she gives heads and got big t-ts.
can hardly see their faces f-ckin’ dark here in this place,
but in the darkness even sixes look alright,
and when i saw this one come past i grabbed me chance and
grabbed her -ss,
she f-ckin’ decked me left me lookin’ for a five,
picked meself back up again, bought meself another can
and come up with a plan i thought was f-ckin’ clever,
i thought if i can’t pull a ten, what i’ll oughta do is thens
just grab a couple’a fives and screw ’em both together.
she looked alright for a four, in her high cut denim shorts,
with a tiny little tattoo on her t-ts,
and look i got nothin’ against tats but this one’s puttin’ the h-rn and
that
she’s the property’a h-ll’s angels and are at your own risk,
so now we’re down to f-ckin’ threes and i’m thinkin’ to meself,
jesus what’s a bloke supposed to f-ckin’ do?
a fortnight’s wages on one drink and i haven’t even had a sniff,
should’a gone ugly early, checked out the twos.
if you don’t look like this tea you’d probably get the vet to shoot her,
but this one bought the drinks so she’s a two and half,
if i could stick her on a chain then she could growl and bark and
strangers
and at least stop the c-nts from knockin’ off me car,
from dogs to f-ckin’ bush peaks, you should’a seen the ones,
there’s a bounty on them b-st-rds on the farm,
and if you woke up in the mornin’ with her snorin’ on your shoulder
you wouldn’t wake her up you’d just chew off your f-ckin’ arm.
i come lookin’ for a ten, but i ended up at zero
i think i’ll cut me f-ckin’ losses and go home,
’cause this joint’s a bigger rip-off than a wax job on your knackers,
but i better drain the sump before i go,
so i’m standin’ at the dunny pointin’ percy at the porcelain
and i look down and count the fingers on both hands,
’cause when you add it up, i should’a stayed home had a tug
’cause look at that, a perfect f-ckin’ ten.
bloke’s a f-ckin’ mug, f-ck ’em.
f-ck the lot of ’em.
the answer my friend is right here in the ‘n’.
i’m givin’ up w-nkin’ tomorrow, i never thought that i could,
i’m feelin’ better already, ’cause i’m better off pullin’ me pun.
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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