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big fat bum - kevin bloody wilson lyrics

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you was a weedy little b-st-rd goin’ bald and really thin,
i reckon then back was a word they probably made up just for him,
but with every beer he knocked back his confidence had swelled,
’til he become ten foot tall, f-ckin’ bullet proof as well.

then this dunnin’ little pommie waved his finger in the air,
“i know she’ll f-ckin’ kill me, but i don’t f-ckin’ care”,
then the pub sprung to attention when he give the bar a thont,
“i’ve held me f-ckin’ tongue too long about her big fat b-m.

she’s got a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
you’d not see nout like it’s on her big fat b-m.

caw you should see her in the mornin’ over breakfast oh my god,
sat there with a f-ckin’ f-g end stickin’ out her gum,
with her hair all up in curlers and her fluffy slippers on,
with f-ckin’ blowflies buzzin’ ’round her big fat b-m.

she’s got a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
f-ckin’ pogs in all her docents on big fat b-m.

and in the evenin’ if we go out she had double on the bus,
and they’ve banned her from the bingo ’cause she farts too f-ckin’
much,
so that’s why most nights you’ll find me on me own here in the pub,
while she’s home watchin’ telly on her big fat b-m.

she’s got a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
f-ckin’ wearin’ out our sofa on her big fat b-m”.

then he quietly re-ssured me, “didn’t always look like that,
she were trim last when we wedded, her -ss weren’t always fat,
now she’s got a f-ckin’ fat -ss and a moustache like her mum,
there’s hair up there as well as in her big fat b-m.

she’s got a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
f-ckin’ hairy fat and ugly with her big fat b-m”.

then he p-ssed his gl-ss and asked me, “could i have another one?
’cause tonight’s our anniversary and i’m too frightened to go home,
’cause she’ll have stockin’s and suspenders and her fancy knickers
on,
she’ll want a nookie and a love heart on her big fat b-m.

she’s got a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
me little w-lly’s frightened of her big fat b-m”.

it was tragic but it was funny, ’cause that night there in the pub,
when i come back from the dunny, me little pommie mate was gone,
and it broke me heart to see him bein’ dragged out’a that pub,
by the b-ll-cks ‘tween the fattocks of her big fat b-m.

she had a big fat b-m, it weigh half a f-ckin’ ton,
you’d not see nout like it’s on her big, fat, b-m.

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

- kevin bloody wilson lyrics

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