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the vidiot - ken nordine lyrics

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[ken]
tonight i have a friend with me here, who is hooked on tv. jim, when did you first contract the tv habit?

[jim]
three years ago ken i uh, became, vidiot

[ken]
vidiot? is this a term that uh, i don’t understand too much about being-

[jim]
well, that’s what we people call ourselves

[ken]
vidiots

[jim]
yeah

[ken]
well, how did this happen? how did you get into this, this terrible situation that has torn your soul so far apart?

[jim]
oh it was, when i started watching uh, milton berle

[ken]
milton berle… um…

[jim]
well, i got sort of wrapped up in-

[ken]
was this a friend of yours?

[jim]
no, he’s a fellow that’s on television!

[ken]
oh, i see

[jim]
i see you don’t watch television very much, huh?

[ken]
well i, i have had uh, other interests and that’s why i- but we’re discussing you

[jim]
oh, yeah

[ken]
uh, milton berle was the fellow that um, put you on this uh-

[jim]
yeah i got wrapped up in the show ken. it just uh, the sort of thing that made me feel, relaxed and uh, forget my troubles and worries and, i-

[ken]
would you start out with a, just a, watching a little bit, huh?

[jim]
yeah, just a little bit. few hours a day at first

[ken]
and then uh, how much are you watching now?

[jim]
well i figure it’s uh, fifteen hours, ken

[ken]
fifteen hours and you, how long do you sleep?

[jim]
well i usually get about a, four, five hour sleep

[ken]
oh i see, well that leaves fifteen hours that you watch tv and four or five hours that, you, how long do you work? uh, four or five hours a day, or?

[jim]
yeah i’ll- when i work

[ken]
oh there are days when you don’t even work, you just-

[jim]
i can’t!

[ken]
well why not-

[jim]
i have to watch television!

[ken]
oh… well, unless you-

[jim]
i got a tv set in my car too, you know that?

[ken]
in your car?

[jim]
yeah

[ken]
well that will have to go right away

[jim]
well they say it’s illegal but uh, i don’t care, uh, i can’t miss uh godfrey and uh… do you realize i’m missing uh, steve allen right now?

[ken]
i had no idea, who is this?

[jim]
this is the longest i’ve been away from a set in, two years

[ken]
steve allen? is this some friend of yours that you watch television with?

[jim]
he’s on television! he’s a star-

[ken]
well the same way you’re on television!

[jim]
he’s a star on television!

[ken]
he’s a star on television… what do you mean, he’s one of the guys that you’re hooked with? i mean you watch him?

[jim]
yeah! yeah

[ken]
what does he give you

[jim]
uh, entertainment. makes me laugh. makes me forget my worries

[ken]
well you mustn’t have any worries at all if you’re watching television fifteen hours a day

[jim]
well that’s why i came here too, and i don’t know just why i have ’em, uh-

[ken]
what’s your problem

[jim]
i shouldn’t have any worries because, uh, television makes me, happy again but…

[ken]
what’s your problem

[jim]
i’m worried

[ken]
about what?

[jim]
i watch too much television

[ken]
if television gives you what you say it gives you-

[jim]
i can feel- pains starting right- now i’ve gotta have a set

[ken]
you’ve got to have a set?

[jim]
turn on that set, will you ken?

[ken]
no, i, i, that set is, is, is uh, not connected. that is not a-

[jim]
turn it on, will you?

[ken]
no, that is not a-

[jim]
i’m starting to get, these pains!

[ken]
listen, i don’t care who’s on television right now

[jim]
oh! ken! turn it on!

[ken]
there’s probably nothing but an old late movie!

[jim]
i don’t care!

[ken]
it’s not worth it!

[jim]
it is! turn it on, please!

[ken]
listen, read this book, here, try this

[jim]
turn it on!

[ken]
here’s a little advert company book. -sound of objects being knocked over- man…

[jim]
i just gotta get a hold of that set! turn it on! -struggling- oh, these pains are too much!

[ken]
alright, let me help you, let me help you, i’ll just let you watch for a few seconds, there you are! -click-

[jim]
oh, oh that’s much better

[ken]
alright. see what a, shameful… shameful…

[jim]
oh, there he is. i don’t even need the audio you know, i don’t need the audio. just the video

[ken]
shameful… shameful… shameful…

[jim]
oh, that’s great

[ken]
oh, there’s nothing i can do for you

[jim]
feel much better

[ken]
y’know i think you’re going to have to give yourself up, you’re beyond my treatment. i think that’s all you can do is to just give yourself up

[jim]
you can turn it off for a minute now, i’ll run right home and uh, watch it. see you later ken! -door closes-

[ken]
well, one of the many problems that i face, well, wait a minute i- i think i’ll turn this set on myself. my gosh… it’s beautiful! my, it’s in black and white! and there’s a lovely musician standing in the center of the screen! he’s got a guitar! and he’s got-… he’s all hair!

- ken nordine lyrics

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