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sad song #12 (new song) (live) - julien baker lyrics

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if i could do what i want, i’d become an electrician
i’d crawl inside my ears and i’d rearrange the wires in my brain
a different me would be inhabiting this body
have two cars, a garage, a job, and i would go to church on sunday

a diagram of faulty circuitry explains how i was made
now the engineer is listening as i voice all my complaints
from an orchestra of shaking metal, keeping me awake
i was just wondering if there’s any way that you made a mistake?

‘cause i miss you the way that i miss nicotine
if it makes me feel better, how bad can it be?
well, i heard there’s a fix for everything
well then why, then why, then why, then why not me?

the first of april saw the sick and in repair
wore my best shirt to the clinic, decorated with the laminate name
no one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs
and i’m not fooled when you tell me that you’re glad i came

am i honest to admit i’m just a hypocrite?
i know i should be being optimistic, but i’m doubtful i can change
grit my teeth and try to act deserving
when i know there is nowhere i can hide from your humiliating grace

‘cause if you swear that it’s true, then i have to believe
what i hear evangelicals say on tv
god, if there’s enough left after everyone else
then why, then why, then why, then why not me?

- julien baker lyrics

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