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rn29: the g20 with tony abbott - juice rap news lyrics

[robert foster]
we’re back with rap news on the open channel
it’s that time of year when the wise, heroic captains
of the most powerful states of the globe gather
to plan m-ssive planetary fascist dystopian havoc
the g20. and the host of the pageant this year is australia
so we’re racing over to chat with a reporter in the area
ken, can you report on the action?

[ken oathcarn]
ken oathcarn, i’m in queensland, it’s so fantastic:
shady deals, trade pacts, and any protests that happen
are greeted with tear gas, and baton bashings

[robert foster]
protests?

[ken oathcarn]
hold that thought! we’re hoping to chat with
the man of the moment, our n0ble prime minister tony abbott
tony! hi!

[tony abbott]
hi

[ken oathcarn]
hi! ken oathcarn live on channel mine
mind if we ask you a few questions at this time?

[tony abbott]
compliant corporate aligned media, right?

[ken oathcarn]
yeah, mate! we’re on your side

[tony abbott]
in which case that is fine…

[ken oathcarn]
are there any wise words you’d like to provide
to our patriotic viewers tonight?

[tony abbott]
ah… yes, ken, i might. cheers to all the c-nts who voted me in
for getting sucked in by rupert’s spin, so tony could win
and bring in a government of excuses and ah surprises
my first triumph as leader was to abolish the climate
slash medicare, subsidise mining
and end the age of ent-tlement for students… except my kids
i’ve stopped the boats and the tide of muslim immigrants…

[robert foster]
but, your duties under these un conventions…

[tony abbott]
…are irrelevant:
there’s ah place for everything, says jesus, our saviour
and he’d agree the place for brown people is not australia

[ken oathcarn]
you’ve been busy with these worthy endeavours
thanks for making time to speak with us

[tony abbott]
my pleasures

[ken oathcarn]
now, the big g is about to blow in and straya’s hosting…
what have you done to prepare for this role then?

[tony abbott]
i’ve been ah… raising my international profile
making headlines in newspapers worldwide
and to ensure my ratings at home i brought us to war
which caused my approval score to soar even more on these sh0r-s

[ken oathcarn]
‘straya’s earned the honour of hosting the g20 then

[tony abbott]
thanks to me, we’ve become a role model of social development
for the rest of the world to follow and imitate

[ken oathcarn]
you’ve greatly improved our communications of late…

[tony abbott]
that’s right, we’ve just legalized the real-time
monitoring of every bloke, sheila and child
every computer, phone and device. the leaders of every civilised
western nation only dream of this erosion of privacy rights

[ken oathcarn]
…and media

[tony abbott]
yeah, we’ve just made it illegal
to whistleblow or leak the details of any intel
so no more wikileaks or eddy snowden snoopin’ in my email

[ken oathcarn]
and journalists who publish the leaks?

[tony abbott]
…will also be jailed

[robert foster]
even if it’s in the public interest?

[ken oathcarn & tony abbott]
yep!

[tony abbott]
but the next bit is the best:
to complete the chilling effect
we’ve even made it a crime for any of you to share, scatter
click, or view any of that data
tweet that, you anonyh0m-s ‘n hackers!

[robert foster]
that’s an attack on the basic tenets of press freedom
i don’t get it: how did you manage to p-ss such extreme measures?

[tony abbott]
i can’t take all the credit
i have to thank the pathetic, ball-less opposition party
for voting’em through the senate

[ken oathcarn]
and not forgetting all the good australian folk under anaesthetic deeply sedated watching ‘the bachelor’ on channel seven

[robert foster]
these policies are troubling. does no one want to stop them?

[tony abbott]
nah. n0body, mate! we all love’em…

[robert foster]
who’s that?

[ken oathcarn]
ah… him? err… n0body, mate… let’s not bother him

[robert foster]
it looks like scott ludlam…

[scott ludlam]
g’day

[ken oathcarn]
god b-gg-r’im
yes, it’s the hippie, i mean ‘greenie’ senator, scott ludlam
probably come in to try and stop the fun then?

[scott ludlam]
ken oathcarn

[ken oathcarn]
why is it in the senate whenever you speak
the whole room empties, and all the senators leave?

[scott ludlam]
a better question is, why is the senate empty, yet
my words go viral when they arrive on the internet?

[ken oathcarn]
uhmmm…

[scott ludlam]
because peeps online are awake and sentient
feeding their intellect with media that’s free, independent

[ken oathcarn]
but thank god, that’s all at last changing
australia is about to become the first great nation
to p-ss laws for mandatory data retention
indiscriminately storing our private metadata
treating us all as suspects, and thus finally ensuring…

[scott ludlum]
…a fascist f-ck-fest of orwellian proportions

[ken oathcarn]
aw c’mon mate, you’re not gonna be a negative nerd
and vote against all of tony’s incredible work…?

[scott ludlum]
i’ll go full gandalf on this government’s -rs-
smack down their laws with a dose of: you shall not p-ss!

[ken oathcarn]
you and what army? i don’t like your chances

[scott ludlum]
i can’t do it solo; that’s why i’ve issued a blanket
call out to the internet, to stand up and be counted
the net is our best bet to combat tyrannical tactics
click here to take action

[ken oathcarn]
don’t click that link…

[tony abbott]
or you’ll be added to the terrorist asio blacklist!

[robert foster]
well, thank you, prime minister abbot
for giving us that candid understanding of your strategies in australia the opening of the summit is about to happen
but before you brandish your diplomatic talents
i’d just like to say that it seems clear why the world’s leaders and powers
that be;
from obama and putin to harper and xi;
are converging on australia for the g20
they must be eager to come and learn from the new master…

[tony abbott]
that’s me!

[ken oathcarn]
ladies ‘n gentlebogans, we’re commencing the whole summit
please be upstanding for the new cl-ssic
prime minister of ‘straya, tony abbott

[tony abbott]
first things first, i’m elitist (‘leetist)
host this summit let the whole world feel it (g20)
and australia’s open for business
unless you climate scientists or giving me lessons in civics (right right!)
we doing great work, we on track
boot stomp, like we bringing eighty four back

my name’s tony
you already know
the leaders all came
from dc to tokyo

world leaders let’s do this, let’s show that we’re ruthless
all here in brissy, the shakers the movers
dilma roussef i do love a brazilian (oooh)
cristina from argentina! tony: minister for women (ah-huh!)
anyoung, park geun hye; modi, hi! – hi
ni hao, xi, imma see you’se inside (inside)
who got two thumbs and a continent to strip mine…
this guy. the t o n y (right)
black obama, we don’t talk bout no climate (nuh uh)
it’s time for war! let’s bomb isis they be beheading some guys, slice their necks with some knives
abdullah, you do dat do dat execution? that’s fine! (yep)
vladimir putin, who invited you in? (who?)
i’m gonna shirt front him, the bl–dy ruskie hoodlum (get him!)
you bet you are, you will i am, you bet you is (er…)
what, you selling the gas? come on in then; you win!
welcome to my crib, leaders and tyrants
it’s time to talk tax, trade, keeping debt climbing
what?! no, obama, told you for the last time, mate:
we’re not going to talk about the bl–dy climate!

[ken oathcarn]
his name’s tony

[tony abbott]
wanna buy some coal?

[ken oathcarn]
remember his name

[everyone]
start the sho-o-o-o-o-w

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