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the junkrat and roadhog rap - jt machinima lyrics

[intro]
dispatch, we are in hot pursuit of two hostile fugitives
one immensely obese brute accompanied by a scrawny, peg-legged minion
now, we have attempted peaceful negotiations here, but
…wait, what’s this? we’re picking up something on another frequency
let me patch it through

[verse 1]

[junkrat]
they call me junkrat, i’m a violent rodent
i never use guns, but i like explosives!
i’ll stop the payload with my remote – click!
it’s good news when i say “i’ve blown it!”
i’m always laughin’ cuz i’m always jokin’
swipe me right on tinder because i’m smokin’ – hot
probably cuz i’m a pyro
my hair’s on fire, if you need a light, though
i think aiming is overrated
dynamite and bombs are all i play with
it’s a perfect day for mayhem
got a couple traps and it’s time i lay them
i’ve always got a leg up, mate
send you sky high where the weather’s great
that’s a rap, now that you all know me
show some love for my psycho roadie

[verse 2]

[roadhog]: shut up, rat, i’m sick of your voice
[junkrat]: i’m paying you well, you’ve got no choice
i’m a demo expert, sorry if i’m a little wired
[roadhog]: i wouldn’t be here if i wasn’t hired
i live in the fast lane, i’m not a boar
i’m the hog that the pigs never caught before
with a mask that you’ll never see me take off
like leatherface, straight outta texas chainsaw
heavyweight champ, a wasteland hulk
[junkrat]: i won’t fat shame you, no need to sulk
[roadhog]: i’m not a fat-ss, i’m on a bulk, you know
shut up mad max, you’re in my thunderdome
i’ll hop on my harley, spread some anarchy
[junkrat]: fry these b-gg-rs like shrimp on the barbie
[roadhog]: you mess with me, and i’ll ruin you worse
than junkrat just did to this verse

[bridge]

[junkrat]: oh don’t take it so personally, roadhog
[roadhog]: you just have to ruin everything
[junkrat]: well, i’ll agree on that one! ha ha ha ha!

[verse 3]

[roadhog]: counting down
[junkrat]: to detonation
[roadhog] hold your ground
[junkrat]: eradication
[roadhog]: look around
[junkrat]: it’s devastation
[both]: lay to waste all of creation
[junkrat]: light the fuse
[roadhog]: lock and load
[junkrat]: hit the juice
[roadhog]: we’re on the road
[junkrat]: the rat and the hog, one h-ll of a pair
[roadhog]: we’re still not friends
[junkrat]: but we are getting there
[roadhog]: really? cuz this is hardly a start
you’re just an obnoxious body to guard
[junkrat]: but the money we’re makin’, the riches we’re takin’
the bonds that we’ve made
[roadhog]: and the friendship we’re fakin’
you’re too loud, and it’s p-ssin’ me off
you smell like roadk!ll and it’s makin’ me cough
[junkrat]: fire in the hole! i just saved your -ss!
[roadhog]: oh. d-mn. thanks, i guess
still without me, you would never win
[junkrat]: and who’s gonna help you? one of your chins?
[roadhog]: ha ha ha, okay, rat, i’ll give you that one
[junkrat]: look, i squeezed a laugh outta the fat one!
[roadhog]: here, take a burger, looks like you need it
[junkrat]: aw, thanks roadie, i’m surprised you didn’t eat it
i’m only jokin’, you’re used to takin’ flak
[roadhog]: hold your breath if you’re taking cover at my back
[junkrat]: oh god, not the toxic fumes
that’s where the gas mask really comes in use
[roadhog]: it’s for radiation, and preventing infection
the stank you smell is my indigestion
[junkrat]: i could light a match by your -ss
we’d all be on fire this entire match!
[roadhog]: and while you pester us, the rest of us are workin’
you’re not a junkrat, you’re a worthless vermin
[junkrat]: through defenses i’m blowing holes
who you gonna call for zone control?
[roadhog]: fine, but if you’re gonna help, be quiet
[junkrat]: what’s on your meal plan? i wanna try it
[roadhog]: double decker burgers, filet mignon
i’ll blow out your brains if you say bacon
[junkrat]: i guess that one hits close to home
[roadhog]: a little too close, you don’t even know…

[verse 4]

[roadhog]: i remember a field, where the piggies would graze
till the omnics came in and all our nation was razed
just thinking of bacon is heartache
a piece of me died on that dark day
now i’m back on the road
with no family or friends
i ride my cycle alone
i guess this is how it ends
[junkrat]: but wherever you go, i will follow
i’ll be by your side if you want, so
[roadhog]: when the rubble subsides
[junkrat]: and the debris sweeps away
[roadhog]: i’ll look into your eyes
[junkrat]: and i know what you’ll say
[roadhog]: we’re a two man army
[junkrat]: stirring up anarchy
[roadhog]: all our foes will be fried up
[junkrat]: just like shrimp on the barbie
[roadhog]: hop on my harley, i want you in my sidecar
[junkrat]: they’ve taken my leg, but it was you who took my heart
[roadhog]: in a totally platonic way
[junkrat]: well yes, that goes without saying
this is sufficiently awkward
[roadhog]: let’s continue our rampage

[outro]

[roadhog]: hey, junkrat
[junkrat]: what is it, you ol’ b-gg-r?
[roadhog]: if you tell anyone about that
[junkrat]: that what? our singin’ an’ all?
[roadhog]: i will k!ll you
[junkrat]: hehehehehe, yea yea, whatever you say mate
lips are sealed, ahahahahahaha!
[roadhog]: *sighs*

- jt machinima lyrics

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