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gullus' (time) travels - joseph murdy lyrics

my name is gullus, and i have lived in rome my whole life. i have always desired to explore the world beyond the city walls; however, i have not been able to leave the city much, so my dream of traveling has long gone unfulfilled. that was until recently when i experience the most curious of occurrences. no one here believes my story; in fact, some have even called crazy, but hopefully someone will read this account and believe it to be true
one day as i was wandering about with a close companion of mine, i fell into a large pit. however, unlike most pits, it seemed as if there was no bottom to this particular pit. i was falling for minutes, until i finally reached a strange land. there were giant gl-ss houses, chariots that were automatically pulled along without horses, people as far as the eye can see (all of whom seemed to be angry and in a hurry or looking at these mysterious handheld brick-shaped objects), and a very odd smell. i was later told that this odd place was known by its inhabitants to be the greatest city in the world. now, after wandering this land, i finally met a boy about my age and he told me all about this strange smelly place full of busy, mean-looking people. i wish i had the time to recount all that my acquaintance had shown me, but i will instead focus on what intrigued me most about this place: a game, which i think is called hitball
in hitball, the compet-tors do not fight as valiantly as the gladiators in the coliseum, but they instead have a small piece of wood and have to hit a round spherical object, which was thrown to the hitter by an opponent, very far. i do not recall the exact rules of such a game, for my stay in this smelly land was brief, but i do remember how much my acquaintance and his friends were captivated by the sport
my acquaintance showed me a game on an interesting screen object they all loved in that land. it was like a painting but it moved, capturing live events, and people would watch this moving painting for several hours at a time. i was even told that such moving paintings were even able to control people’s minds and thoughts, although i do not know how. however, my acquaintance and i just watched as the moving painting played a game of hitball between two teams. as we were watching, he told me all about the rules of hitball: you hire men who are really good at hitting the ball a long way or can throw the ball really fast so the other hitter cannot hit it far and pay them large sums of money. in fact, for reasons i cannot understand, the hitball compet-tors were some of the richest men in the city, and many people regarded such players as heroes and role models
the game of hitball itself was interesting to watch. nine men, who are not on the hitters’ team when it is not their turn to hit, are on a field of gr-ss and dirt enclosed on the far side by a fence; one man throws the ball and the others need to prevent the hitter from running around three zones where he is safe from being tagged out as they call it. the hitter in hitball has to hit the ball over the fence to score or he can hit a ball that is not caught by the non-hitters, and reach the place he started from to score. the hitters have three swings to either hit the ball over the fence or get onto any of the 3 safe zones. in between swings, however, batters would take their time playing with their special hitting gloves or making weird hand motions; this aroused my curiosity, but to save my acquaintance from having to answer so many questions, i never asked him why the hitters did such things. i wish i had asked him though because i cannot understand the purpose of such gestures. a typical game lasts three hours, but only some fans seem to be able to stay interested the whole time (however, the game would perhaps be shorter if not for the silly rituals i mentioned above). the game itself intrigued me greatly, but what amazed me most was how the whole sport was organized and an interesting technique many of the hitball players used to hit the ball further
in charge of a league of 30 hitball teams was a man, whose name i remember to be buddy. buddy was in charge of keeping people, like my acquaintance, interested in the game and making sure all the players followed the rules. however, buddy did not like the way many of the hitters would practice to hit the ball further. these players would take a drug of some type that made them stronger and hit the ball further, but buddy did not like this drug. however, i am told buddy was not always this way. in fact, my acquaintance tells me his father would tell him about how hitball was not always so popular. in those days, buddy loved when his players used this drug because the public loved seeing b-lls hit very far, and every single player used them. however, this changed and now some of the many players that took these drugs are chastised and some even not allowed to play. in fact, fans of hitball now all hate any of the hitters that used these drugs, calling them cheaters and phonies to the point that being even remotely linked to the drug downplayed the players’ accomplishments
one particular story of a hitball cheater was a guy named al. al was the best hitballer there ever was; he was on pace to hit more b-lls over the fence than any of the hitballers ever had, until one day a guy was caught selling al these drugs. now because he was so good, al was paid very well by a team, which was notorious for unwisely giving players large sums of money. however, when his team found out he cheated, the team and buddy found a way to get al in trouble. buddy wanted to prove he was now very serious about prohibiting the drugs and al’s team did not want to have to pay him, so the two worked together to ban al from playing baseball for cheating, even though many others, who are still playing and still get large amounts of money, used the same drug. it seemed like buddy wanted to unfairly make an example of al, so that people do not remember how buddy used to love when his players used the drugs
the game intrigued me so much that i never really wanted to leave the smelly land. i also wanted to learn more about these mind control screens that everyone loved and the reason why everyone was so angry walking the streets with their weird bricks; however, my time in this land was cut short. out of a lack of time, i will not bother you with the tedious details of my return home; nevertheless, after a short while i did find myself back in my homeland. i try and tell people about my experiences in the smelly land, but no one would believe such a civilization exists

- joseph murdy lyrics

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