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one of the boys - johnée lyrics

[verse 1]
i broke up with my old*self and i found someone else to be
i used to suck at writing
now i can’t find the words to speak
i’m still learning the ropes, try not to get my hopes up
i have a very low self*esteem
and a tendency of pretending ’til i believe
i’m not familiar with the feeling of reciprocity
i watched all my lovers leave just like my father did

[pre*chorus]
this must be what suffering for your art is
but if i’m not an artist, why do i have to hurt like this?
[chorus]
everything i love, i destroy
when i think too much, i f*ck things up
i don’t know how to livе with me
when it’s so close that i can touch
it gеts out of hand, i wasn’t man enough
i’m not one of the boys and i will never be

[verse 2]
comparing myself to others, i have a lot of shoes to fill
i wasn’t taught how to be tough and bottle everything i feel
i’m my mother’s child after all
i’ll chase you down until you call the cops but i’m just running on a treadmill
i don’t want to prioritize their needs and undermine my integrity
but i’ll try every shoe until i find one that fits

[pre*chorus 2]
i guess this is what it feels to play by the book
but if i don’t know the rules, i’m always gonna lose

[chorus]
everything i want, i ruin
i waited too long and now i blew it
i don’t know how to live with me
when it’s so close that i can touch
it gets out of hand, i wasn’t man enough
i’m not one of the boys and i will never be
[bridge]
i got canceled for being more than they could handle
he left me in the friend zone
i dyed my hair blonde and wrote a revenge song
and maybe i am mental but at least i don’t pretend
or try to blend in by doing what they want
keep the old me close as enemies
i still know my way around some things
i broke the mold and sold my soul to someone who needs more than me

[chorus]
everything i was, i destroyed
and in my head, now there’s a void
’cause i still don’t know how to live with me
it was so close i could almost touch it
but things got out of hand, long short story
i’m not one of the boys and i will never be

- johnee lyrics

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