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when the beatles hit america - john wesley harding lyrics

[intro]
two, alright

[verse 1]
due to a miracle marketing strategy
beyond the realms of reasonable possibility
it is announced simultaneously
on radio, dat, compact disc and tv
that john, paul, george and ringo
they’re going to be reforming as the beatles in 1993
(i got that bit wrong)
[verse 2]
and things skip into action immediately
george buys the film rights in a flurry of activity
and paul says they’re not going to play j*pan
ringo cancels his five*year chat show plan
and john, who was never the quiet one
john stays silent for the time being

[chorus]
and the world sings
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america
it’s gonna be sponsored by private issue, ringo’s credit card
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america

[verse 3]
and lawyers start to draw up large contracts
involving sponsorship, t*shirt deals, and michael jackson
they’re interviewed on live tv
about management deals and corporate policy
who’s gonna be the new manager of the beatles?
(well, i updated this bit)
the new manager’s gonna be
robert shapiro and johnny cochrane
and george says he’s not even, even gonna play
unless they bring the maharishi
[verse 4]
well, the fab four are interviewed on live tv
but for some reason they’re just the fab three
with a cardboard cutout of john
wearing a very strange smile with no shoes on
which starts a libelous “john is dead” rumour
which rolling stone reveals is just hype for the tour
(well done, boys)

[chorus]
the world sings
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america
sponsored by pizza hut—crust first
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america

[bridge]
well, the who, the stones, debbie gibson and diana ross
record a supergroup single at very great cost
but it’s so hard to make the charts
’cause everyone’s taken the new beatles to heart
from the time of the announcement of the gig
to the gig on che stadium
(named, as all you rutles fans know, after the cuban guerrilla
che stadium)
every record on the top forty on both sides of the atlantic
for three whole years is written by lennon and mccartney
except “something”
that’s the only one by george harrison anybody can remember
[verse 5]
finally they get into the studio—guess what?
they’re gonna be co*produced by george martin and jeff lynne
and ringo’s disappointed to find that
no one needs him anymore except for the vibe
because he’s now been sampled
you can download it off your computer

[verse 6]
yeah, george gets monty python in to do some vocals
and linda takes a lot of photos
for a book that gets sold out
before she even thought of putting it out
and john, who was never the quiet one
makes all his press contributions from his old songs
in tune, in time
but with a new backing track recorded behind him
when they ask him how it’s been in the studio
he says, well, “it’s been a hard day’s night”
no one understands him, but he always was the cryptic one

[chorus]
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america

[verse 7]
and finally the record hits the shelves
and it’s called “the beatle—from ourselves”
and for anyone who didn’t realize or know
it sounded a lot like elo
or elp, or fyc, or xtc, or rem, or bto, or pil, or ymo
but it didn’t sound much like psi
didn’t sound much like “p. s. i love you”

[verse 8]
and the day before the big gig at che
the rumour goes round
people are saying that they’re not going to play
that the whole thing’s been a big insurance scam
to get the apple reissues selling again
very cynical

[bridge]
but suddenly we’re over in the stadium
we’re live on mtv, bbc, cnn
not anymore, actually, now it’d be a pay*per*view
and wolf blitzer’s there, and bernard shaw is there for cnn
he’s going, “i’m under the table at che stadium”
and the lights go down and the, and the screaming stops
and suddenly you can hear a pin drop

[verse 9]
yeah, suddenly they’re there
all four of them
and i get scared
as they go into “i saw her standing there”
they crash through the best set in the world
and they encore with the whole of sergeant pepper’s
in order, and they’re gods
and i’m in heaven
the beatles have reunited

[verse 10]
but on the very last chord of “a day in the life”
the beatles are beamed off into outer sp*ce
into a waiting sp*ceship, folks
which takes them to a better place
a place where reunions are not expected of anybody
not even the eagles, thank god and

[verse 11]
this is my dream
i bought it
i bought the product
and now i’m happy
you can believe what you like
but it happened
that’s all folks
it’ll probably happen again
and sadly

[chorus]
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america
they’re gonna be supported by the velvet underground
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america

[outro]
one more time for mtv, yeah
when the beatles hit america
when the beatles hit america

thank you. i should put that on an album one day, i guess.

- john wesley harding lyrics

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