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addictive breakaway - john lewis lyrics

(verse 1)
overcome with emotion
slowly numb and unfocused
hold onto hope*loathing uncomfortably exploding
grown but feel like running away
roll a blunt and i blaze
i’m so stuck in my ways
so i suffer the same
pray so much in hopes that someone will rush to my aid, and save me
one thing you could never claim is i’m lazy
death chased me my whole life like we’ve been racing, it’s been crazy
and though i try to fight it overtakes me
can’t cave in or bend
have to play til the end, and basically pretend that everything will be cakе in the end
feeling caged in my sin
need a savior again
as i savor this gin in fеar of this maze that i’m in
wanna break from my skin and crawl to the surface, it’s all a circus, look how godless this earth is, he oughta burn it, what’s worse is i keep on searching for honesty, i deserve it, but constantly leave deserted, apologies go un worded
far from perfect at all
but i’ve learned from my fall
what’s hurts the most is having is only having one person to call
all my friends and every girl*i was jerks to them all
more concerned with lurking off to crush percs in the stall
flirting with death, reserving tables in heaven
in my arrogance assuming once i’m dead that i’ll get in
not even thinking how my mother would cope, or brother would mope, too stubborn and broke to let the light that’s shed in
but it’s not even just the drugs that’s been enslaving me
it’s all the trauma that i’ve seen that stuck it’s fangs in me
i pray to god but something tells me i need faith in me
‘cause everyday i run around and wander aimlessly
afraid to see this vacancy, conveyed to me through therapists, and save my ego shamelessly by saying they embellished this
switched my meds for new prescriptions*thought i fell in bliss
but opiates are surely satan if a h*ll exists
as my story continues
i keep sorting through issues
i’ll need more than these tissues*lord i need purity in you
why do i go to war with you? i’m mourning*i’m hit too
at my core i just miss you*hope your door’s still in use*
*f*ck everything and run or
face everything and rise
fear has a double meaning*always stay a king inside*
*i pray we win and fly so high that the creator’s in my eyes, satan dies, and the angels dive to save us from the sky
balance is key but i’m still human*i’m flawed
bound by my feet behind this futile facade, through god i counter every challenge i meet*used to the fog, though gruesome and odd, approached it clean, aloof, and with charm
don’t let me steer ya wrong
won’t front the fear is strong
with every year that’s gone i can’t stare in the mirror long
gotta take care of mom
gotta make clear what’s wrong
gotta adhere to psalms and listen ‘fore my hearing’s gone

- john lewis lyrics

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