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perfectly lovely surprise - joe kinosian, kellen blair lyrics

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[mrs. whitney, sung]
he said i had a load of talents like perfect pitch
and perfect balance
and ears that were equal in size
he sticks me in a couple shows and my star starts to rise
a perfectly lovely surprise

[marcus, spoken]
i see

[mrs. whitney]
one night he told me i was graceful
and that i had a lovely face full
of features like eyebrows and eyes
his high*falutin way with words swept me clear off my thighs
a perfectly lovely surprise

[marcus]
so he asked you to marry him?

[mrs. whitney]
yes but like
everything in life
men are never quite what they seem
we married in the fall
then he stopped my work
broke my heart
k!lled my dream
when promises of fame and footlights turn out ot be lies
it comes as a total surprise
a perfectly lovely surprise

[marcus]
you sound a little resentful of your husband, mrs. whitney

[mrs. whitney]
me? resentful? just ‘cause he shoved me in the shadows the second we tied the knot? maybe a skosh

[marcus]
then why did you throw him a surprise party?

[mrs. whitney]
because for years i’ve been plannin’ to sing him a big show*stoppon toe*toppin production number! should i sing that one instead?

[marcus]
that’s okay. you know, mrs. whitney it sounds like this party wasn’t for your husband at all

[mrs. whitney]
why detective, you’ve got it all wrong!

i’ve always tried to be a fun wife
so gunnin’ to be number one wife
poor choice of words, i know
i did what that title implies
to celebrate his special day i began to devise
this perfectly lovely surprise

it took some time to form the guest list
which boiled down to just the best list
of folks who he didn’t despise

including our niece steph who came up from the city. sweet gal by the way…

i went and bought a couple cakes which i baked into pies
and all for this lovely surprise

[marcus]
and then?

[mrs. whitney]
we found a place to hide
then at 8 o’clock in he came
we yelled “surprise” and bang!
he was on the floor
dead as dirt
what a shame

ya think you’ll always have a husband
then one night he dies
a perfectly lovely*
did i say lovely? i meant awful
an awfully perfect surprise

- joe kinosian kellen blair lyrics

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