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heaven or hell - joe budden lyrics

[chorus 1 (extended)]
gotta watch my back
it ain’t safe at night
there’s too much to do
gotta get my paper right
and there’s a lot of my dogs
they either dead or in jail
but if i k!ll myself
would it be heaven or h-ll?
gotta watch my back
it ain’t safe at night
there’s too much to do
gotta get my paper right
and there’s a lot of my dogs
they either dead or in jail
but if i k!ll myself
would it be heaven or h-ll?

[verse 1]
yo, at this present time there’s a lot of nonsense at stake
too many ideas and decisions left to contemplate
too much to deal wit, too much to make a n-gga have to steal sh-t
and it’s hurtin’ ’cause i gotta feel it with too much anger
too many n-ggas know me, but they don’t know me
-n-layzed popular stranger, and peep how n-ggas try to change ya
but i can’t cope with no antidote, two options, one is slittin’ my wrists
go to the precinct with a clip my fist
so i keep a cig in my lips, sh-t is painful, f-ck suicide
done did too much dirt to know if i’ma be angel
so help me god, cry in my sleep
cause you ain’t pull me out of shark infested waters to die on the beach
and i was told “don’t trust, cause they plot at the end’
so treat friends as n0bodies, and n0body as friend
yo, it just seems like trouble’s followin’ me, lock and key
stuck in the belly of the beast, and it’s swallowin’ me
with no cream, with no bundle to hustle and no scheme
no n-ggas to run with and no team
tell me what its like to have ran out of options when you goin’ all out
or what it’s like to be in love and fall out
just want to put it behind me and breathe without the f-ckin’ 9 to squeeze
without the weed and hennessy to keep my mind at ease
without rollin’ over, coilin’ myself, tryin’ to sleep
without bein’ homeless and starvin and dyin’ to eat
sh-t wasn’t like this at the youth house
throughout my teen years been forced to grow up too fast, mo’f-cka i’m not a youth now
wish i could let a lot of people see the true mouse
but i’m too scared to see him myself, what’d be the use now?

[chorus 2]
i done changed too much
i guess the water ran dry
man i been put through sh-t
for most of my life
and i done lost my breath
but still i’m tryna fight
i can’t take no more
’cause i’m dyin’ inside

[verse 2]
from houses to gas stations, i’ve done robbed ’em all
facing ten to twenty, that’ll start a robber’s fall
jacked whips in parking lots, i got the drop from fords
and this amount of victims coming out a shopping mall
i’m a totally different n-gga when i’m copping the raw
apartments with a.d.t., got through the locks in the door
i met some dollared out chicks, somehow i got in the drawers
seen n-ggas die in cold blood, they had got shot in the war
want a seed for the wrong reasons, to see me different
in hopes of me guiding so he’ll never have to see a prison
but my shorty got it f-cked up
or maybe i just got it f-cked up
somebody got it f-cked up
what a n-gga got besides his music?
thirsty as h-ll, can’t smoke the water, cause i know that i’ll abuse it
and ma’f-ckas can’t afford to see that fuse lit
they can’t afford to see a n-gga on some new sh-t
and where my pops at? n-gga need him now
show up later on when i’m black, and f-ck, i’m bleedin’ now
showin’ my moms another side she never seen in me
how the f-ck she don’t understand when its her genes in me?
how’d i progress in therapy while wantin’ to leave this world?
and i know how to beat the system, can’t beat the world
i talk that “take my own life to get off the scene quick”
unfortunate that i’m too much of a g*nius to really mean sh-t

[chorus 1]
gotta watch my back
it ain’t safe at night
there’s too much to do
gotta get my paper right
and there’s a lot of my dogs
they either dead or in jail
but if i k!ll myself
would it be heaven or h-ll?

- joe budden lyrics

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