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herschel - jeff keller lyrics

[herschel, spoken]

and me! now wait a minute, here i am singing and dancing around, telling you all about these characters that i’m gonna dress up right before your eyes, and here i forgot to tell you all about who i am. ha, i must’ve got threads in mein head. so now — now i’m gonna tell you

my name is herschel and i’m a dwarf. does anyone know any famous dwarves from famous stories? that’s right, grumpy. but did you know that isn’t his real name? nah, it’s actually mari schwartzman. he was actually an accountant before hollywood discovered him. give me another one. dopey? ah, yes mein dopey. heiman palsky. yeah, doctor heiman palsky. and another one? sneezy? yeah, well that’s actually his real name. yeah, just sneezy. got it as a kid and it stuck

anyway, getting back to me, hershel — i wasn’t one of those famous dwarves, but i wrote a lot of the stories they told. and what am i called? that’s right — the fairy tailor. und i weave stories. today i’m going to tell you one of my favorites. it’s called “rapunzarella white.” what a day! so many things went wrong, oy!

[herschel, spoken, & princesses, humming underneath]

you see, there were these sisters — twin princesses: millicent and winnifred. und millicent steals winnifred’s boyfriend. not only does she steal him, but she weds him. and to make things even more meshuggah, millicent bears three little girls with this two*faced prince. and then — then the prince abandons millicent to fend for herself, such a mazer — scandal! in the meantime, the prince’s royal parents died — a tragedy. then millicent is crowned queen and she raises the babies and rules the kingdom all by herself

well, time marches on, and time — ah! stuck my finger mit this needle. anyway…

- jeff keller lyrics

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