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death of suicide - jay vinchi lyrics

vinchi

do you know what the pains like when you always blame yourself
and you listen to everyone else and get trapped in your own h*ll?
seeing all the little things as massive distractions
caused by your actions

believing that peace is something you prevent yourself from having
it’s so close i can nearly grasp it…
b*tter fingers slip up and i fall down yet again
not sure if i even did wrong but i lose another friend and good times meet their inevitable end

i’m so usеd to this sh*t

another repetition and i know it’s probably mе
or maybe it’s my lack of will to break free
or matter it’s the constant need to please and help everyone else besides me
or believe that people tell the truth just because they care or even slightly agree

sometimes i regret my lack of consideration when i jump into situations with my heart on my sleeve…
’cause even though i constantly learn pain through lessons i still continue to do the same things
or maybe it’s the fact i bury my emotions and then when they explode i act surprised or in disbelief
as if you should pity me and i consciously see that i’m acting weak
yet i’ll cut an arm or try to hang myself from a tree

i remember when a limb broke…
i went home to my best friend and cried and told her i’m a lost soul
a lost condition, i lost my position
my self*expression turned into pain, self*inflicted
she told me leave, you’ll never be a friend of me again, you’re too vicious and it was my misery and she felt like she inherited my condition
and i know i can’t right my turmoils and the way they became her trauma…
i’m too different
so f*cking distant
i was so f*cking suicidal for years i destroyed friendships and musical missions
took me from 22 until 25 to realize…
see my loving soul through dead eyes
no more lies and no more instigation
silence
self*preservation

i swear to god you about to see me truly make it when i finally have k!lled these demons and am ready to make some serious changes
no more waiting

- jay vinchi lyrics

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