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dear god (a work of fiction) - james mac lyrics

[verse 1]
dear god, i think it’s time we had a conversation
these lonely nights is getting to me so my mind is racing
i think about how i got here as well as my creation
i don’t want this no more, i need to be under sedation
i get lonely at times, and then i write these rhymes
the only money that i’ve been getting is from all of my crimes
i hate this and it feels like i’ve been here a million times
i can hardly remember when i was in my prime
i’m laying in bed, and i don’t know what’s next
i think about this position, i get so f-cking vexed
i could be here counting the money from my last cheque
but i’m here contemplating why my life is so complex

[verse 2]
dear god, tell me am i wrong?
for livin’ the life of tramp surrounded by icons
they telling i’m the greatest but i never hear ‘em
‘cause i ain’t hit the pinnacle, yeah, i’m still persevering
demons whispering in my ears and i always fear ‘em
i was thinking i’m on their level, i ain’t even near ‘em
i just hate this negativity and lack of this tranquillity
they say i’m a hypocrite but i just called it flexibility

[verse 3]
yeah, it’s my life, my wrongs and my rights
my effort, writing songs and sleepless nights
ain’t n-body been coming around
trust me homie, next year you’ll be loving my sound
not a single one of you motherf-ckers believe in my brand
extend a hand, and you’re gonna want to be my man
i think not, you quick to shapeshift like ink blots
i am a k!ller, i make cl-ssics

[verse 4]
what about that time i was a teen, and my raps were gonna further me
don’t think i forgot that sh-t, it never discouraged me
the words never came out my throat
‘i can’t rap’ i screamed ‘i can’t rap’, mama
i couldn’t take the drama, felt i was in some trauma
what the f-ck?
where were you then, god? tell me now!
how’s a brother supposed to stay sane? tell me how!
why you let me scream and why you let me cry?
i looked up to the sky and felt like my hope was a lie, i’ll never know
set to detonate, i gotta blow, that sh-t fo’ sho
i used to wonder why in the h-ll you would make me suffer
but now, in the end, i understand that it made me tougher

- james mac lyrics

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