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hairy hypochondriac - james gang (band) lyrics

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somebody find me a wheelchair
i’m feeling kind of faint today
i got beriberi and a whooping cough
i think i’m gonna fade away

i got a case of yellow fever
i get it every other week
my gums swell up with the scurvy
it gets so hard to speak

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

hurry up and call the doctor
i think i got the mumps again
bring me morphine, mama, and some codeine, papa
read the last rites, my friend

now i think i’m seeing double
my heart don’t seem to beat
checking for scarlet fever
being sick sure ain’t neat

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

medicare, allsup, and blue cross
never seem to be enough
i got a paid-up suite in a hospital
good gosh of mine, things are rough

ever since i was a baby
mama said “the boy ain’t well!”
i know that things ain’t one bit better
’cause my health’s all shot to h-ll

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

hey, doc! i got this pain all over my left leg!
does that mean my arm is gonna fall off?

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

hey, doc! it’s about these spots in front of my eyes
what is it, malaria? am i going blind? what is it?

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

i can’t seem to turn my neck around. what does that mean?
have i got a whiplash or something?
stretcher! medic! corpsman! help! help!

i got a bad case of sneeze
i got wobbly knees
just call me hairy hypochondriac

- james gang band lyrics

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