twenty seconds of lifelessness - james dickey lyrics
before i made a move though, i sat for maybe twenty seconds, failing to feel my heart beat, though at that moment i wanted it to. the feeling of the inconsequence of whatever i would do, of anything i would pick up or think about or turn to see was at that moment being set in the very bone marrow. how does one get through this? i asked myself. by doing something that is at hand to be done was the best answer i could give; that and not saying anything about the feeling to anyone. it was the old mortal, helpless, time terrified human feeling, just the same. i had had a touch or two before, though it was more likely to come with my family, for i could find ways to keep busy at the studio, or at least to seem busy, which was harder, in some cases, than doing real work
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