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red light fever - jaikeda lyrics

[verse]
when i first came to sunset media wave, i wanted to release an album. it was called “the curtain rises”. jon said “it was ambitious”. he said that there were a lot of artists before me that wanted to do the same exact thing in the past but couldn’t pull through

i thought i could’ve done it. i still think i could’ve done it. i just* i thought if* i thought if i had enough passion and spirit and you know, energy to do it, i could do anything. so it wasn’t like i thought it was easy or anything, i just thought it was possible. i got to work right away actually. and then quarantine hit, but i was able to borrow a macbook and i created like 10 great bеats. i even wrote lyrics to three of thеm and that would’ve been enough for an ep. i was set really. all i had to do next was to record them

and that’s what i couldn’t do. i couldn’t record myself. there was some sort of self*hatred i had where i couldn’t take the sound of my voice in every single take, every single time. i would record something and then i would delete it right after listening to it. i put on filters. i put autotune on, but no matter what i did, i still didn’t like how i sounded. i just wasn’t satisfied with it

a week left, we had an assignment where we went around and talked about possible obstacles we were facing. and we got post*it notes detailing feedback and tips on how to get over it. and that’s when i realized i had red light fever. it’s when you start getting super nervous when you see that red record b*tton on and it made sense. every single time i had that mix in front of me, my voice started shaking and i got way too nervous to say words that were just written right in front of me

[sigh]

i had a week left. i still had time. all i had to do is to defeat this demon of mine. i didn’t mean to rhyme that, but if i could get over this, you know. i would be at least to finish the cycle and put something out you know. everyone else had their own thing. they had art, they had drawings. other artists* other musical artists, they had their own thing too. and maybe i would’ve got a full paycheck if i put anything out but*

i spent a lot of time pondering how to beat red light fever. looking back, i should’ve been thinking about why i had red light fever. and in quarantine, the whole staying at home thing for days on end helped me realize why. it’s because i didn’t want to be clowned on for the things i made. from my friends, to people that don’t even know me, to people that don’t like me so they’re going to be looking for things to clown on me for. i didn’t want that

i was afraid of putting something i worked really hard on and still getting sh*t on by others for not matching their standard of these industry artists

[sigh]

and after realizing that, i just stopped caring. i came to the conclusion that i’m not going to put out something to please other people, i’m going to put out whatever i want. it’s that simple. if i wanted to put out a four*minute rant track over some guitar instrumentals i recorded when i don’t even know how to play guitar, i’m going to do it you know. i just wish i could’ve made this realization sooner because…

at the end of that cycle, i failed all expectations and couldn’t put out any songs

- jaikeda lyrics

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