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that little man of mine - jackie hoffman & michael wartella lyrics

[mrs teavee]
all through the night
i just watch the clock
counting every second ’till i can
tiptoe to his door
which i carefully unlock
to get to see my little man…

at six a.m. i look in on my darling
to see if his restraints are holding fine
for an hour i’m in heaven
till i loosen them at seven
i love that little man of mine
at nine a.m. i make a special breakfast
with thorazine and oatmeal i combine
then it has to be home schooling
due to that court ruling

[mike teavee]
they never proved a thing

[mrs teavee]
i love that little man of mine
at twelve o’clock i have a little lie down
and never dream that we have had a daughter
but then at two i arise
to find there’s black in my eyes
i have to have a sip of mommy water
at six p.m. i read the evening paper
and pour myself a lovely box of wine
and then just i as feared
i read the neighbor disappeared!
and so i switch to straight turpentine
it’s a riddle how i love that “wittle” little man of mine

[mike teavee]
mine! mine! what can i say?
i got my golden ticket the american way!
i hacked w*lly wonka, that’s how i won
you gotta break rules to get the job done

i don’t need to go outside to be who i’ll be
reality is something i can get from t.v
america, get ready for my cyber attack
mike teavee is winning and there’s no going back!!

[mrs teavee & mike teavee]
so every night we sit on the computer

[mike teavee]
and try to find my father online

[mrs teavee]
and then i tuck mikey in
with lots of love and ritalin
not to mention lots of rope and twine
and then i take as many as i can
of lexapro and ativan
and klonopin and paxil
’til i’m spinning from my axle
and zoloft and lorazepam
cause mommy doesn’t give a d*mn
cause mommy’s higher than cloud nine
it’s a riddle how i love that little man of mine!

[mike teavee]
mine! mine! mine!

[mrs teavee, spoken]
thanks for coming!

- jackie hoffman michael wartella lyrics

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