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not your girl - ivy (electronic) lyrics

[verse 1]
what are you doing here?
don’t even try to be friendly with that sh*tty smile of yours
i changed everything about myself, and you still think i’m her?
the unexpected feel of your touch still haunts me, infiltrating my vulnerability
the nightmares are flashing back
tumours from you across my whole body
i remember running from my parents just to be with you
but you’re just worse as them

[chorus 1]
how am i supposed to live my life with all these bl**dy scars?

the thoughts, the voices tell me to jump and drown
surprised that i haven’t done it yet?

[verse 2]
when i came out, you pushed me right onto the wall
and kept telling me that my existence was bloodless
red eyes, hands on neck, strangling, is all i’ll envision now
spent the rest of the night on the ground, dinting my own arms
the amount of times you tried to force it in
remember the blood coming from my groin?
“isn’t this what you wanted, [deadname]?”
is what you kept asking while i cried
[chorus 2]
how am i supposed to live my life with all these bl**dy scars?
my cat sees you as a monster, now she’s on fluoxetine
the thoughts, the voices tell me to jump and drown
but he is the reason why i won’t

[verse 3]
i’ve never been your “sensitive little girl”
can you at least get it right just for once?
i bet you didn’t even love me
was it all really just for show?

[verse 4]
i had to sit through a f*ck ton of therapy sessions just to get over this sh*t
you’ll slit my own throat on your own accord and watch me f*cking die
i envied you with all of my heart and you still treat me like your “sl*tty toy”
oh, you existing makes me wanna pull my guts out and watch you eat them

[interlude]
get out of my head (x15)
get out of my f*cking head

[chorus 3]
how am i supposed to live my life with all these bl**dy scars?
my cat sees you as a monster, now she’s on fluoxetine
the thoughts, the voices tell me to jump and drown
but he is the reason why i won’t
[outro]
how am i supposed to live my life with all these bl**dy scars?
my cat sees you as a monster, now she’s on fluoxetine
the thoughts, the voices tell me to jump and drown
but he is the reason why i won’t

- ivy electronic lyrics

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