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first trimester - illogic lyrics

[i am sorry…i never shoulda acted all crazy like that
and i know…you have never cheated on me
you’re the only one i trust….and now we are gonna have a baby
and we are gonna give him – or her – a real family, that we never had]

the love floods that drips from her eyes as they meet his
while inside she holds a gift, the virus of new life
their hearts overflow with oceans of emotions mixed
happiness, confusion, love, hate, all simultaneous
holding her close as she drenches his chest with rivers of fear
a single tear sprints down his cheek, his knees become weak
he thinks, “here i sit, a child embracing a child with child that’s probably
more scared of this than i am
it’s too late to question if i’m ready for the responsibility
cause i knew the consequences of l-st, but i took part willingly.”
just then, her left hand graces his face
the love in her touch encourages tears to race
she wipes the rain from his cloudy eyes
shaken and scared she takes his hand, smiles, and places it on her belly
his hand trembles, heart pounds, mouth returns to smile
as inside, she frowns, knowing she can’t handle this right now
“i’m stuck in this spot between love and my culture
my cousin had a baby out of wedlock and they disowned her
should i risk losing one family to start my own?
or if i don’t have it, will he hate me, and make me stand alone
leaving me to hold this bag of bricks and carry it for a lifetime
while he can relieve the pain by just going home and writing a rhyme?
at that point he pulls her close, whispers “i love you” to her lobes
unbeknownst to the dichotomy in the beauty that he beholds

[i love you…and now, we are gonna have a baby]

i love her now, and even after death
she’s my breath
the only other close to my heart? my mother
i’m scared, but prepared to give my child what i was never given, a life
with its father and its mother, its wife
i know realize my eyes see the horizon
i’m no longer looking for a kaleidoscope to climb in
accepting my scenery, my fate parallel to grace
i know i’m in love every time my eyes touch her face

i love him, but i’m not ready to spring a life into this world
i’m only 17, myself still a little girl
i need my family too much to lose them for him
but i need him by my side also, i’ll have his baby someday
he’s the only one i see in my future, but now’s not the time
we still have things to experience and live out our lives
i can’t do it, i’ve decided. i’m only two months now
but how can i tell the love of my life that i’ve murdered his child?

alone she sits, with oceans of regret soaking optics
heart ripped to shreds with visions of a dead sea
no words can emerge from voice box to explain
the understood hate that seemed to fuel his pain
his vital organ pounds till his chest starts to vibrate
emotions unusual trapped in delusional mind state
he knows not what to feel, or what to say
how to react to the fact of, should he leave or should he stay?
a cloud of sorrow hovers above the two broken spirits
without a clue
gloom so thick that love can’t shine through
he’s thinkin, “here i stand, face to face with my angel
as the blood of our child soaks her hands
the hate i hold is a product of the love she evokes
so in an obscure way, i understand”
with arms outstretched, she lies his head upon her chest
and she cries and continues to apologize
“you know that i love you (i love you)
and you won’t be to blame if after this action, you never utter my name
but i need time to mature before i give birth
we need time to explore and find what we’re worth
one day i’ll have your seed
even if the sun rays burn out and the starlight bleeds”
their eyes meet, and lips touch
i love yous are exchanged
and eyes lock till tear ducts flood with rivers of pain
love won’t let them leave, there was a hold on his heart
as much as my death hurt, it couldn’t tear them apart
so now i rest on clouds with other aborted missions
i forgive you and understand the purpose of your decision
i hope this story of my life hits the depth of many souls
and when you want to tell me you love me, you don’t have to
cause i know

[i’m sorry, i should’ve never acted all crazy like that
i love you]

- illogic lyrics

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