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my wife's on a healthy diet - holderness family lyrics

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[verse 1]
woke up on a lazy sunday
ready for bacon, i was hungry
i smelled a strange odor, it made me nervous
i went downstairs, she made me breakfast
and i said

[chorus]
my wife’s on a healthy diet
where carbs are gone and children riot
kombucha, want to try it?
so pucker up, because she went to buy it (for 9 dollars!)

[verse 2]
lunchtime, she is roasting brussels
she said, “it’ll make you fit and full of muscles”
i said, “need to run some errands”
snuck to my car and got me an arby’s beef sandwich
and i said

[chorus]
my wife’s on a healthy diet
she wants all of us to try it
but i just want to dip and fry it
i’m sorry hon, i’m gonna supersize it
[verse 3]
dinnertimе, we are having noodles
i took a bitе and it was zoodles
how do i ask this while being nice?
why is this cauliflower lying about being rice?
and he said

[chorus]
my wife’s on a healthy diet
swiss chard, i thought i’d try it
now my b*tt is no longer quiet
you’d better run, or just don’t sit beside me
next week she will be a vegan
one week later, she’ll go non*gluten
next month, she will just start juicing
or paleo, or whatever oprah’s doing

- holderness family lyrics

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