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i cant believe that girl from x is british - ​hitbox (hardcore) lyrics

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lately, i’ve been trying to be honest with myself
stop numbing my brain
finally put a name to my disease
stop accepting the cloud looming over
stop accepting that i’ll always feel this
sense of loss
emptiness
i’ll rise above this mountain of shame

it’s so easy to convince myself it’s all my fault
just as easy to bury my head in all the sand
nuance isn’t my strong suit
all or nothing here
am i innocent or
is it all on me?

what’s the boundary?
how do i draw a line?
how much of my life
do i get to blame on you?
how can i ignore all the steps that
i took on my own time
how much was influenced by you?

nine years old
coming home with tears in my eyes
while you still held all my trust, i came to you for help
but you wouldn’t take my word, i was just a kid
i had to be lying, i’m the one who f*cked up
laying in the kitchen
tears are streaming down my face
punished, confused, screaming i don’t understand
hurting based on rumors, i can’t even comprehend
mother says she believes me
but doesn’t raise a f*cking hand

now what
how do
i forget about it or the habits
it brought
to be ostracized

used to
being
excluded from everything
and now that
i have friends
don’t know what to feel

red rover, red rover
send someone the f*ck over
innocent in my intention couldn’t predict it would happen
over, and over
plays inside my f*ckin’ head
i was far too young to sit and wish that i was f*cking dead

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