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your tax dollars at work - henry phillips lyrics

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[spoken intro]

this song, for the most part, is a true story

[song]

in a quiet lab, back in ol’ d.c
there’s a man who works for an agency
in what some would say is a mighty strange career
he takes a bottle of ketchup and pours it out real slow
then he uses his watch to see how fast it will flow
and the government pays him 70,000 a year

and it sometimes comes out fast
and it sometimes comes out slow
and it helps the time to p-ss
when he listens to the radio
and sometimes when he’s really bored
he’ll pretend he’s captain kirk
this is your tax dollars at work

things were going slow for the sp-ce program
so they asked for a quarter-million dollar grant
to send a sweet potato to outer sp-ce
and in washington university
some professors got a federal subsidy
to observe the way that earthworms defecate

and it sometimes comes out fast
and it sometimes comes out slow
and what these guys are trying to find
heaven only knows
i wonder how we’ll benefit
from the fruits of this research
this is your tax dollars at work

and we’ve expended funds to the pentagon
so they could buy a 2000 dollar john
or a coffee pot for the price of a monet
and andre serrano got his start
by p-ssing in a bucket and calling it art
and receiving 30 grand from the nea

to subsidize some artsy-fartsy, fecal fetish jerk
it’s all your tax dollars at work

and for several weeks congress went on hold
for a filibuster on gun control
by the republicans and some democrats from the south
well instead of paying 20 million bills
buying fertilizer for their districts’ fields
we should use the stuff that comes out of their mouths

and it sometimes comes out fast
and it sometimes comes out slow
and all the while the government payroll
is sh-lling out tons of dough
‘cos whether it’s a two-faced hack
or the postman gone berzerk
it’s all your tax dollars at work

and in washington they’ve got limosuines
while they say they feel our pain
but the mayor doesn’t feel anything
‘cos he’s smoking crack cocaine
i never knew that s-x and drugs
was a governmental perk
it’s all your tax dollars at work

this is your tax dollars at work

- henry phillips lyrics

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