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an immodest proposal - heather flynn lyrics

an immodest proposal

for preventing the women of the 21st century from experiencing distress when presented with a choice of attire

by rob levi

one of the most important and difficult choices that women face each day is how to answer the ever-recurring question, “what should i wear?” they spend long minutes staring into the abyss of their closets as they rifle through articles of clothing, and even more time peering intently at themselves in the mirror, trying to determine if the shirt and pants that they’ve chosen work well together. most women go through this lonely and stressful ritual on a daily basis. each woman feels pressure to use their clothing to enhance their appearance, and each woman aspires to find the ideal outfit, an outfit that will inspire desire in every man and envy in every woman she encounters

historically, many advances have been made in the field of women’s fashion in attempts to help woman look -and therefore feel- their absolute best. the 16th century saw the advent of the corset, which by simply rearranging a woman’s internal organs was able to give her a waist tiny enough for a man to hold in his two hands. high-heeled shoes, initially worn by men, were p-ssed on to women when both genders realized that women’s figures benefitted far more from the added inches under their heels. these days, the emphasis is on showing hints of skin; crop tops, sheer shirts, and cutout dresses all give men a tantalizing hint of what lies underneath the fabric. however, with each new innovation in fashion, women are presented with more and more choices of clothing styles. this only brings them further distress and confusion, as they try to determine which styles will be the most flattering for their figure and which will attract the most positive attention from the opposite s-x

both men and women recognize that the difficult choices women face when selecting their attire puts a great strain on society. any man who has been in a relationship has spent many frustrating twenty- or thirty-minute intervals sitting outside fitting rooms or waiting on the couch at home as his significant other finishes trying on outfits, time that could have been employed in a more productive manner. furthermore, he is often called upon to give his opinion of her clothing choices. he answers these questions with dread, knowing that any praise he gives will be met with incredulity, and even the most gentle of criticisms will be met with rage

for women, the price is even higher. according to a study conducted by the u.s. bureau of labor statistics, households in the united states spend on average $1,700 on apparel each year, and the amount spent on apparel designed for women aged 16 and older is significantly larger than any other apparel category. women spend large amounts of time and money on shopping for articles of clothing, as well as more time at home choosing which articles of clothing to wear for every new occasion. all of these factors, as well as the pressure to actually succeed in finding outfits that make them feel attractive, combine to form an unnecessary source of stress in the daily lives of modern women

having established women’s clothing choices as an important issue for our society to address, i would like to propose a solution that i feel would be amicable to all parties

the purpose of clothing is to show off a woman’s body to its best advantage. however, by design clothing is flawed, in that it covers up the very thing it is attempting to display. this is why, in order to attract the attention of men and to feel good about their bodies, modern women should stop relying on clothing altogether, and start going naked in public

there are innumerable reasons to support the practice of women giving up clothing and going about their lives au naturel. to address the most obvious benefit first, a modern woman going about life in the nude would achieve her goal of attracting male attention far more efficiently than she could with even the most carefully thought-out ensemble. but let us move beyond this, and examine instead the various socioeconomic benefits that would result from making female nudity common practice

women would save themselves an enormous amount of money if they were to stop purchasing clothing. let us say, for the sake of argument, that the average american woman spends $750 each year on clothing and accessories. if at the age of 18 women gave up wearing clothing, and lived on average to be 85 years old, they would save $50,250 over the course of their lifetime. just think of all the possibilities that would open up to individuals and families with that sort of an influx of cash! women could improve their family’s living conditions, contribute to their own education or that of a child, or even spend all of that money on a really nice car. there are far more valuable commodities out there than a pair of nice jeans or an expensive c-cktail dress, and without the distraction of shopping for clothing, women would be free to spend their hard-earned money on the more important things in life

if women are released from the burden of having to purchase clothing for their wardrobe and then having to select a new outfit each day, they will also benefit from an increased amount of time in their schedule. modern women are busy creatures, with their studies and their careers and their social lives and their responsibilities to their families. they would certainly appreciate gaining the extra twenty minutes each morning that were formerly spent picking out an outfit and getting dressed, not to mention saving the hours that mysteriously p-ss whenever they prepare for a night out. women would also no longer have to spend hours of their time on the weekends in malls and boutiques looking for clothing to add to their collection. the practice of going nude could give women more time in their day-to-day lives, and with this additional time women could either choose to be more productive, or choose to give themselves some much-needed relaxation time

this leads us to one of the greatest benefits of this proposal, which is that giving up the practice of wearing clothing would greatly reduce the amount of stress in the lives of modern women. gone would be the pressure to keep up with the latest trends in fashion, and gone would be the pressure to impress everyone around them with their sense of style. the removal of these stressors, combined with the time and money gained from no longer having to purchase and select clothing, could greatly improve the modern woman’s quality of life

although this proposal to promote female nudity is clearly beneficial to women, a female friend of mine has informed me that there are some women who might object to this proposal, on the grounds that they would be self-conscious to expose their bodies to the world in such a manner. to such naysayers, i would respond first and foremost that all women’s bodies are beautiful, and that no member of the fairer s-x should feel obligated to cover their bodies out of shame. however, i would also like to point out that, as mentioned above, two of the benefits of this plan are that it increases the amount of time and money available to women. with these two resources, any women without gym memberships could easily purchase one and begin working towards a leaner frame. in this manner, the movement to have modern women cease wearing clothing could even lead to improvements in women’s fitness and overall well-being

in conclusion, i would like to state that i have made this proposal with the sincere desire to improve women’s quality of life. because i am a man, there is no personal gain for me to obtain from seeing this proposal of mine put into practice. however, if it were to be commonly adopted, i would feel amply rewarded simply by being able to witness the increased happiness and well being of the women around me

(actually by heather flynn)

- heather flynn lyrics

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