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hank roasts himself diss track - hank green lyrics

[intro]
good morning, john
there is a roast yourself challenge happening right now
i’ve got some lyrics
we’re gonna do it
it’s probably a bad idea
yo, what’s up?
hank green!
here to roast myself like ryan higa said
giving it all that i gotta give

[verse]
i haven’t even started
already feeling culturally appropriative
here i am, sitting where i sit every thursday morning
yeah, thursday, cause i’m careful i’m normal, i’m boring
i’m not gonna risk a punishment
i no longer have time for that
i keep adding to my list
cause i like getting hit with baseball bats, nah
it’s cause i like how it makes me feel like i matter
cause i’m doing things, even though it’s not real
i want to be remembered, but here’s what’s pretty clear:
someday there will be no humans left
to remember anybody was here
i need approval from society
so i do what it expects of me
as a straight, pale male i can do it quite expediently
i sit in front of books so that you know that i’m smart
and while my brother has natural puff
i use the stuff i got at wal-mart
the majority of my audience wants me to feel the bern
but i’m too old for revolution
i just don’t want to feel the donald trump, okay?
spending money has always given me anxiety
i avoid cursing because my freedom is trumped by propriety
and i’ll never be like pewds on the cover of variety
and having a notable brother doesn’t convey notoriety
i keep talking about a book that i’m gonna write someday
but it’s never gonna be tfios so why do i try anyway?
but i love snapchat like a tween, so let’s do that instead
takin’ cat snats with my gilbahrt, doin’ it straight from my bed
i’m thirty-six years old but i pretend to be a punk rocker
but as you probably heard i’m a nerd
who sings mostly about harry potter
and thanks to a teleprompter i get to pretend
that i know everything about the standard model and philosophy
but mostly i’m just reading
so i pay people to do the things and to help me create
it’s capitalism, a system i support but my former self would hate
i pontificate like i’m an expert
but i’m really not that great
and yes, if she asked? i would be hillary’s running mate
but she’s not gonna
cause i’m a gangly white dude
roastin’ myself on youtube
i may be a little old to be doing this stuff
maybe a little less sillier in the future?

[outro]
just chill it out a little bit? i…i..i feel like maybe focus on the educational stuff?
not the, like, the fun hip rapping challenges?
that doesn’t seem like a good idea nah

- hank green lyrics

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