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with the fear that taught me - grey smith lyrics

[verse 1]
i remember being young and headstrong
all the questions that i thought i knew, d-mn it, you
i guess i guessed wrong
like every sh-tty bag of dope i ever shot was stepped on
i’ll disappear before my peak like jay electron

when i was sleeping on the train
sleeping on a box in the tunnel under the parkway trying to stay out of the rain
i used to get dizzy spells, hear a little ring
and the voice of a demon sounding like me and calling my name

like, how the f-ck did i get here again?
p-wning all my gear again
january 1st saying that this will be my year again
yeah the f-ck right man, who are you kidding
they told your dumb-ss to turn around, but you wouldn’t listen

lately i’ve been on the road
trying to get a job and keep my daughter in some clothes
single father life that’s just the way it goes
but the artist always calls me and it haunts me like a ghost

it’s kinda crazy the writing late and the diaper changing
or trying to keep a steady hand but your whole life is shaky
schooled at home, schooled at philly on the weekend
i choke up on the road, man i’ve been swimming in the deep end

like i don’t lose sleep at night, like i’m not losing my grip
like i don’t struggle with self doubt, like my music is sh-t
or like i didn’t fight through the fear for years to get this record done
did this sh-t myself, b-tch, i have never needed anyone

don’t let me die a never was
please just keep your f-cking hands on me
everything i ran from is catching up
i lost my way home, you laid low and let me run
now help me leave some kind of mark before its said and done

don’t let me find salvation at the end of a gun
please don’t make me meet the man that i was meant to become
i said enough, these are some notes about the things i wanted you to know
i’ll sing my f-cking self home, just play this at my funeral

[bridge]
found your way
home

[verse 2]
i remember the frozen steps and the cold stairs
methadone, my breathe in the cold air
dope sick in a cell holding my head up with both hands
and the frail ones, afraid but they played it off
acting brave till a blade gets stuck in their head like their favorite song

the eulogies, walking dead forgetting what they used to be
died to live a life on the other side of a losing street
lay-offs, cold shoulder, the rosary, the weak ones
another 10 year old got a sentence but couldn’t read one

dad left to be an astronaut, and got lost somewhere in outer sp-ce
he vanished without a trace
he just couldn’t stick around to watch him grow up
bought him a gun, and blew his f-cking thoughts in the sun
day dreamer

everything was all good just a week ago
it’s unbelievable how people come, people go
chase their dreams till they stop breathing from a lethal dose
and they dispose the needles and just leave you in the freezing cold

betrayal, had to learn to live with the sh-t
i pull the knife out my back and just cut my wrists with the sh-t
now should i carve you out my heart for all that sh-t that you did
or should i just close the up scar and forgive and forget

but whats the difference in love and drugs, pain
breakdowns, break throughs, and when i hate you
i’m not giving up on us until it’s done
cause what’s commitment if the minute it gets tough you run

you told me stop wishing, the clocks ticking
you’re not missing your shot and you’re not quitting
it’s god given, you’re not giving up
if sh-t is tough then i will walk with you
and i’ll be sleeping on the floor in the studio till the songs finished
i can’t live in the world, forgive me i forgot to pray
oh, my lord, they should’ve k!lled me when i lost my faith
when all the shame from when i just wanted to walk away is on my face
i wonder what god will say when he calls my name

[outro]
all comes down
all comes down, down, down
it all comes down
all comes down
all comes down
all comes down
all comes down
it all comes down

- grey smith lyrics

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