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i've given up on me - ghreyl lyrics

[verse 1: ghreyl]
surrounded by 4 walls
connected to 2 halls
just leading to more walls
of neverending mental h-ll descending
contemplating and debating
about my future
suture wounds of other people
it’s impossible to climb this hill
i try it still
but will it still continue
as i lose my will do do this still
my mind i’m k!lling slowly
holy intervention not included
feel secluded, and deluded
but who did it, i did
morbid eyelid of a failing patient
cause i am so impatient
maybe i need to change or maybe i need to keep my ways
walking around stunned in a daze
hoping it’s over
concluding it’s not permanent and just a fase
i’m hoping for the better days
and soon it’ll be holidays
i’m getting visits of a man i praise
and i respect always
and then we meet our gaze
i hope it f-cking pays
that i get better
before i write a letter saying my goodbyes
and stand with teary eyes
a chunk in my throat
and blow a 22er in my f-cking brain
because i have nothing to gain
and i have nothing to say
so everything is in vain
my muscles i strain straight outta fear
i live in pain, everyday again
i can’t keep doing this
emotions from others peoples needs
because that’s all i hear
and that is all i need
off that i feed
my inner mechanisms machenations
contemplations fueled by f-cking hatered
of my mental state
cause i don’t understand
i physically can’t stand
without -ssistance like a elderly too blind too see
what’s wrong with me
i’ve given up on me
my time is dried up and empty
vessel of dead meat
i feel like a dead beat
a f-cking waste of space
cause i don’t know my f-cking place
i have no one that i embrace
with open arms await the grace
depressing with an upper case
i’m running but there is no race
look at myself but see no face
yea i’m a disgrace
self-hatred is my way
i listen but have nothing to say
about my feelings or the thing that i do see
visions of what could be
or flashbacks about me
it’s empty and lonely
i long for a homie
that really gets my shit
and how i’m doing it
it’s easier said that done
and searching for anyone
that takes my hand from the gun
to end my suffer i long
keeping saying gotta stay strong
but deep inside it feels wrong
to keep on moving
my inner self needs approving
and validation
medication wise sedating
and actions undertaking
mentally negotiating
obligations and frustrations
bl–dy eyes and mutilation
inside my head it’s just starvation
and depriving happiness
procrastination
no temptation for salvation
agitation for d-mnation
as my soul destroys my cultivation
so i’m writing this citation
to avoid the accusation of my altercation
life is wasted, i’m frustrated
painting pictures of my own creation
it’s my narration of a conversation
harsh acception of a painful confrontation
there’s no causation
waiting for the detonation
talking but no explanation
getting to my destination
last one of my generation

- ghreyl lyrics

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