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rabbi berner finally reveals his true religious agenda - geoff berner lyrics

ever since i have developed my
cult following
everybody’s wanting to know
what i’m gonna do with my
cult following
where’m i gonna take it to go?
i’ve been waiting, and waiting
with a kind of spiritual constipation
i couldn’t let it go somehow
but now the zeitgeist has shifted
objections have been lifted
i’m feeling that the time is…
[there is a long awkward pause]
now
are you ready? yes we’re ready!
to hear all about it
what g*d and i want you to know
are you ready? yes we’re ready!
i really kind of doubt it
but i’m gonna have to let it go

the bible is a mirror
and g*d is on the other side
so everything it tells you
is the opposite of what
he really wants you to decide
it’s a test, it’s a test, it’s a spiritual test
and the truth is only for the brave

now you’ve finally got a proper
explanation
for all the crazy sh*t inside
from genocide to revelation
the logic can’t be denied
pillars of fire! pillars of salt
are the pillars on which rest my case
did you really think a perfect g*d
wants you to burn a goat?
or nail the messiah in place
are you ready? yes we’re ready!
to do what it will take
what g*d and i want you to do
are you ready? yes we’re ready!
every rule you’ve got to break
to finally make us proud of you?
[chorus]
like a fossil, it’s a test of faith

with all those rules and laws
it’s enough to make you dizzy
all the sh*t that you’ve got to do
and in your modern lives
i know you’re very busy
so i’ve got a small proposal for you:
for a modest contribution
i’ll save you the hassle
of pleasing g*d all on your own
but i’ll need liquor, women, sh*llfish
and probably a castle
cause i don’t want to do it wrong

[verse]
i’m ready, i’m ready!
to get right down to working
working just as hard as can be
i’m ready, i’m ready
i know you were tired of searching
so you just make that cheque out to me

[chorus]
it’s a test, it’s a test, it’s a spiritual test
and if you pass it
it’s gonna save you from the grave!
[chorus]
it’s a test, it’s a test, it’s a spiritual test
and if you pass it
it’s gonna save you from the grave!

- geoff berner lyrics

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