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alaska cats by garrison keillor - garrison keillor lyrics

alaska cats don’t take no cr-p
they don’t sit in no one’s lap
they don’t let you brush their fur
or have cute names like gulliver
they mumble but they seldom purr
alaska cats are three feet tall
they drink beer and play pinball
and you may notice when they call
they don’t wash themselves at all –
just once in the spring and once in the fall
alaska cats are always dressed
in jeans and boots and outdoor vest
it’s not stuffed with eiderdown
but hair from dogs around the town –
some black, some brown
once a year to hold off famine
they jump in the boats and they fish for salmon
slap those big fish with their paws
catch ’em, bone ’em, and then toss
’em in a pan with catsup sauce
alaska cats chew catnip snoose
and spit about anywhere they choose
the freest cat you ever saw
they have no owners, no leash law –
they laugh at pet cats
ha, ha – ha, ha – ha, ha
—
.

- garrison keillor lyrics

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