don't go out with (live at the electric) - gareth richards lyrics
[spoken]
this is a song for all the single ladies in the audience tonight
[sung]
don’t go out with a policeman
it’s a risk you shouldn’t take
he’ll jump to wrong conclusions
and then shoot you by mistake
don’t go out with a postman
he’ll make you wait in line
he’s obsessed with the size of his package
and he never comes on time
don’t go out with a drug dealer
think where he’ll hide the stash
he’ll get it all through customs
by sticking it up your ass
i don’t want to be negative
but i’m trying to make you see
there’s one guy you should be with
and that onе guy is me
don’t go out with a banker
he’s got no morе cash to loan us
it’s all gone down, now he can’t get it up
he’s obsessed with the size of his bonus
don’t go out with an it man
‘cos whenever things go wrong
he’ll try to turn you off
and then turn you back on
don’t go out with a footballer
he’ll share you with his friends
he can’t make love without company
and at half*time, they’ll change ends
go out with a comedian
because if you never see him
it’s not because he doesn’t care
it’s because he works in the evening
go out with a comedian
oh, he’ll spend all your hard*earned money
he’ll spout a stream of endless drivel
and then ask you if it’s funny
go out with a comedian
you’ll get true love and affection
but you’ll probably have to make the first move
‘cos he’s on the autistic spectrum
[spoken]
thank you very much. i’ve been gareth richards, goodbye!
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