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don't go out with - gareth richards lyrics

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don’t go out with a policeman
it’s a risk you shouldn’t take
he’ll jump to wrong conclusions
and then shoot you by mistake

don’t go out with a prisoner
even though he’s good by text
despite his good behaviour
when he’s out, you will be next

don’t go out with a drug dealer
think where he’ll hide the stash
he’ll get it all through customs
by sticking it up your ass

don’t go out with a fireman
though he may look good in the naddy
the day may come when you have to
identify that body

don’t go out with an astronaut
that’s all so last century
he’ll spend all his time in orbit
then burn up upon re*entry

don’t go out with a postman
he’ll make you wait in linе
he’s obsessed with thе size of his package
and he never comes on time
don’t go out with an it man
‘cos whenever things go wrong
he’ll try to turn you off
and then turn you back on

don’t go out with an ice cream man
you’ll be alone on sunny days
you know he’s going to leave you
whenever his music plays

i don’t want to be negative
but i’m trying to make you see
there’s one guy you should be with
and that one guy is me

don’t go out with a politician
don’t fall for his pretences
he’ll sell his soul to satan
then claim a new one on expenses

don’t go out with a banker
he’s got no more cash to loan us
it’s all gone down, now he can’t get it up
he’s obsessed with the size of his bonus

don’t go out with a shoemaker
all his work is done by elves
he exploits those little guys
when he should be doing it himself
don’t go out with a footballer
he’ll share you with his friends
he can’t make love without company
and at half*time, they’ll change ends

listen to me, baby
because what i say is true
forget all of those other guys
because i’m the one for you

go out with a comedian
because if you never see him
it’s not because he doesn’t care
it’s because he works in the evening

go out with a comedian
oh, he’ll spend all your hard*earned money
he’ll spout a stream of endless drivel
and then ask you if it’s funny

if you don’t find him attractive
there are more important things
if you think his jokes are stupid
maybe you’ll like it when he sings

go out with a comedian
you’ll get true love and affection
but you’ll probably have to make the first move
‘cos he’s on the autistic spectrum

- gareth richards lyrics

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