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frodo bagins vs ancient egyptians - freshy kanal lyrics

ramses:
n0body as great came before me (glory!)
but i should call you ra, cuz you bore me (snoring!)
like my farmers, you’ll be begging me for more beef (corny!)
take my chariot warriors and crush your hairy ass horse feet
you trample in my temple? to my land my reign is central!
you got 3 dwarves, a grandpa, and you act like the avengers assembled
i’ll make your throat burn like a roasted adam’s apple
i expand land on my camels, you fall off the f*cking saddle!
yes, i battled in kadesh, and now i’ll k!ll you in your cottage
then i’ll take your little hobbits and i’ll send them to the prophets
you better know where your god is, before my plagues hit your poor lord
i leave more doors crossed while you’re crossing into mordor!

frodo:
e..excuse me! your rhythm is so d*mn off
you’re late on this track, call you gandalf
man, let’s be real. all your people are hungry
i got the farm in the back, you got a famine in your country
it’s frodo going solo on this bozo, you got no hope
don’t go toe*to*hairy*toe with this smoke*toting goat, though
i’ll call you your farmers, cuz you got no hoes
no joke, i’m the pro when i roast foes
i got the know to grow flows, and i’m smoking you loads
like when moses hit you with a 360 no*scope!
your corpse is looking bare, i have something to improve it
you’d like it ramses, its got a nice ring to it!
it can take any foe you request out of your way
ramses:
i don’t want your silly ring!

frodo:
okay….

king tut:
blah blah blah!
it’s the return of the king tut
preserved from the crown down to deez nuts
don’t try to stroll into giza
i’ll split you in half like a tree trunk!
i slaughter every archeologist
who wanders and pops open my sarcophagus
even in death you won’t meet one as fresh as tutankhamen is!
at eight years old they crowned me on the top of helopolis!
and i was still standing taller than this hobbit did!
in my empire, iv’e never seen such a wacky face
even my harem would agree that you have no game
you’d p*ss yourself before you’d ask out babes
my palm trees are the only place you’d grasp a date!
i’m stuck inside a museum but i’m running the aisles
and now this little peasant is crossing my style?
how was your pathetic past, you motherless child?
your parents drowned in a river, but now you’re stuck in de*nile!
frodo:
do i really got to destroy this failure?
his speeches were so sh*t they wrapped him in toilet paper!
i’m surprised you even remain intact
when you’re filled with more preservatives than a big mac!
your life has mattered? your spine got fractured!
f*ck cairo, you need a chiropractor!
you set up those traps? well, clearly i made it
who let the home alone kid on the grave shift?
your country took a whiny kid and placed him off the highest cliff
but then he died at 19, dipped
forgotten with your time and scripts
barely inscribed in hieroglyphs
i’ll scr*p you like the bible did
only inside our minds to live, because they found your tiny crypt
there’s no human stopping me
you got so much gas, but you’re tooting commonly
anyway, i wanna sell you this ring, bruh

king tut:
i don’t want your silly ring

frodo:
f*ck!

cleopatra:
trying to touch my crown? you can’t boss me
so you better bow down like these palm leaves
i put fools in their tombs, don’t get c*cky
unlike you and your jewels, i can drop heat
i got kidnapped in a bedsack
you’re so boring, you make kids nap in their bedsack
make every guy kneel, when i make noise with my bars
my milk bath brings all the boys to the yard
try to hold your composure when all the romans come over
i got a whole league of soldiers, you got a hole in your shoulder
now i’m opposing this ogre, you’re getting smoked ’til your toes hurt
so just keep loathing your own worth
so soft this froyo’s a gogurt
got loafs, but ain’t got fro*dough in your pockets
lost your bro only to get trolled by that gollum
save your jokes, you can never cope with your problems
your finger goes like this battle roast, b*tch you lost it!
frodo:
i lost it? please! you asked your brother to marry ya
kept that bedroom in sweet home alexandria
who let squidward near the eye shadow?
all your marriages fell apart like the sphynx, ha! got your nose!
you’re weak, cle! you keep stealing from caesar’s salary
i got beef, you just eat caesar’s celery…
you turned everybody around you into a snake
it’s no surprise that’s what made you slither into your grave!
now i shall be the sixth man who offers you a ring
but this time it’s not for love, just for the bling
i know your hand is full, so i guess you gotta cram it

cleopatra:
i don’t want your silly ring!

frodo:
god dammit!

anubis:
don’t duel with anubis
these puny endeavors are fruitless
the humans may foolishly count me as ruthless
the truth is, when i see cruelness in you, i choose not to excuse it
selling the ring, i can see what you’re doing
deep down, you’re scared your heart will abuse it
let’s clear the confusion, like statues in the room with tutan
i’ll leave you in ruins!
i read hieroglyphs but i still can’t decipher
how you’d bawl with the embalmer, you got wrapped up by a spider
depended on your friendships ever since you left the shire
yeah, he bails you outta fights, but with sam, you’re none the wiser
i’m not the type of dude to say “off with his head!”
feed him with the dog with a croc for his head
look, even sauron watches with dread
scared of the terror his coffin begets and your followers left
cynopolis still kneels down to me
since the dawn of my myth spanwed, tied my name to the grave
cuz they know the god of the dead still lives on

sam:
frodo! oh no! you must make this right, sam…
get the will to fight and you’ll strike osiris’ hype man!
that’s my plan! sure to shorten your life span!
like your uncle did your father, i’ll be k!lling the mic! (d*mn!)
you’re the worst god in egypt since creepswitch
your tale got ripped by the greeks, that’s a reprint
had a cult of believers, deceived
then the middle east left for jesus, that’s a repent
who switched the look up? anubis!
ditched your lover for your mama! a new b*tch!
i go hamly, spit sick like gangrene
who k!lled your family? its the gamgee!

- freshy kanal lyrics

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