when santa spaffed in my stocking - footprints in the custard lyrics
‘twas the night before christmas
and spirits were high
i was all tucked up in bed
i knew santa was nigh
the stockings were hung
the mince pies were out
and i drifted to sleep
with good feelings throughout
but when santa descended the chimney
his breathing was heavy
i thought it was due to his weight
but he was just getting ready
he crept into my room
with his sack in his hand
and decked my halls
with his testicular glands
when santa spaffed in my stocking
i’ll admit that i cried
it was horrid and crusty
because it had dried
when santa spaffed in my stocking
there went my christmas day
my presents are festive in the worst possible way
c*mming all ye faithful
over all that’s in sight
spilling his eggnog
and pulling his cracker all night
putting his pig in blankets
was not enough for st. nick
he had to stuff my turkey
and baste with his pr*ck
he went through my selection box
and ate all the best ones
and then he spread his jolly jam
over my hot*crossed buns
it wasn’t a silent night
but it was a holy night
he was away in my manger
setting his pudding alight
when santa spaffed in my stocking
i’ll admit that i cried
it was horrid and crusty
because it had dried
when santa spaffed in my stocking
there went my christmas day
my presents are festive in the worst possible way
santa’s been dreaming of a white christmas too
it’s horrid, translucent, all covered in goo
following that reindeer booty all over the earth
gave him a stiffy so huge with a pulsating girth
oh, i wish it could be christmas every day
but tell me why did it have to be this way?
when santa’s yule log became unfurled
all’s he wanted was to feed the world
when santa spaffed in my stocking
i’ll admit that i cried
it was horrid and crusty
because it had dried
when santa spaffed in my stocking
there went my christmas day
my presents are festive in the worst possible way
now santa’s sack is empty
he’s given all his presents to me
there are tears in my eyes
sp*nk in my christmas tree
but next year i know
i’ll pull my own stunt
i’ll lace his brandy with roofies
and rape the fat c*nt
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