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handle your bars - flobots lyrics

[verse 1]
now, normally i’m pretty conflict-avoidant
just ignore sh-t if it’s just annoying
i don’t write a diss track about stranger things episode 7
i’d just be like, “that’s disappointing”
but recently i was just acquainted
with a young man, maybe once a fan of ours
(hey look, this guy’s covering “handlebars!”)
that’s cool, what’s he saying in his bars? (umm)
(instead of “my bike”, he says “your girl”)
oh, that’s really clever (oh! it gets even better)
oh, naturally these days it has to be thoroughly crafted to be received fashionably–
(oh, yes! you have to see this!
his masterpiece is like a master thesis! in this project
he concocts a fascinating twist of logic
describes a woman’s body like it’s just an object!)

[chorus]
(hmm, watch out! watch out! hold up, hold up!)

i think that’s been done! (yeah it’s been done!)
well maybe, yeah
i think that’s been dumb! (yeah and then some! hmm)
yeah, i guess so
i won’t hold it against ‘um (hold it against him!)
oh really? why not?
because he’s just twenty-one (tryna get attention!)

[verse 2]
(actually, he’s twenty-two!)
oh, then that’s disappointing!
(his name is logan paul!) i don’t listen to boy bands
(no, man! all the kids love his stuff
you don’t know him at all?) what the f-ck?
this guy’s got like a million followers!
(12 million, way more than all of yours.)
probably has like a billion dolla-ers
(well, if you care so much, then call a law-y-er!)

[spoken]
“you see that bike? he’s gonna fall off!”
(hahaha)
“honey, ain’t n-body in that video have booty like mine; that’s why he can ride it with no handlebars”
(hahaha!)
(he don’t need one, he don’t need one! ain’t no cake!)
“come around here, you’ll get lost; missing person’s report! hah!”

[verse 3]
now, why you gotta do it like that;
took a nice track and abuse it like that
with your stupid white rap?
follow my music, my path, but crashed into an ice
patch, and it threw your -ss back to the bourgie heights
that i presume you might inhabit; i don’t really know your music like that
i mean, i don’t really know your movies like that
(i guess i don’t really get what you do)

so put your mic back on the bike rack– tonight
‘cuz my lady says she’s not attrac–ted by
male dominant dumb sh-ts, that– can die
“look, donald trump’s kid, has– arrived!”
that’s– a woman, that’s– a bike
that’s– a young kid, that’s– a mind
that– is some–thing that– you might– consider maybe just a little bit?

i know it’s all just a joke, but i disavow
the whole system’s broke, gotta fix it now
you can’t handle bars, so you mangle ours
till you split the spokes, now they’re sticking out
like pinocchio’s nose that grows and twists around
hokey flows you keep p-ssing out
just to get a crowd to buy merchandise
with our words inscribed on ’em? (that doesn’t seem right)

i think this clown here deserves some pies on ’em!
i’ll put these rhymes in my first advice column:
if you like someone, don’t blatantly bite from ’em
if you like women don’t make a bike from ’em!
god! sorry if i sound to do-goody, but
for the sake of our community (huh!)
imma take this opportunity
to let you know there’s another stage after p-b-rty

[outro]
(hmm, watch out! watch out! hold up, hold up!)

- flobots lyrics

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