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defiant - filah lah lah lyrics

[verse 1]:
so little has been uplifting me
i cannot take any more
something’s gone wrong with my history
a fragrance that i never wore

jealousy will not stop kissing me;
she takes over when she likes
i promise that i will get better but
i need something newer in my sights, oh

isolation’s the name
overthinking’s the game
yes, i know i can change
but i need a new portrait, i need a new frame

[chorus]:
fresh outta options i can’t stop it
got so much weighing on my conscience
i don’t know where my head is at
there’s parts of me i can’t get back
if i knew myself any better;
i’d be able to keep my head up
i don’t know what i’m doing here
reality is not so clear
oh yeah, yeah
what do i do? what do i choose?
the more i play, the more i lose
why?
why?

[verse 2]:
tell me what can i say?
what can i do?
it’s so d*mn hard
i’m so confused
not myself on monday, angry on tuesday
wednesday is harder, thursday is useless
friday is better, sat*rday i can be more like myself
but on sunday i’m frightened
senses are heightened
but lord knows i’m trying;
not to be defiant

i don’t know where my head is at
there’s parts of me i can’t get back

[verse 3]:
yeah, i got nerve like a motherf*cker;
i do not run from my l’s
pray that my ego does not recover;
’cause she don’t take them l’s too well
said that i wanna start over
these patterns are getting too old
i wanna feel lucky like clovers
have a conversation with my soul, oh

more things changed, they’re the same
i refuse to be claimed
emotionally drained
but i need a new mantra
new rules to obey

[chorus]:
fresh outta options i can’t stop it
got so much weighing on my conscience
doesn’t really matter now
i always find a way somehow; to be okay
if i knew myself any better;
i’d be able to keep my head up
i don’t know where my head is at
there’s parts of me i can’t get back
oh
why?
why?
why?

[voice memo]:
i think also because you, you love singing so much
and you love writing so much. a message* a message
in the same breath, ummm
you put a lot of pressure on yourself
but you also have to remember to just enjoy it
you know? be gentle with yourself
you want everything to be so perfect
*and there’s nothing wrong with that*
that’s also just part of your creative process
you have to just like, go through everything;
the frustration, the feeling like you’re breaking down
that’s the part that makes magic

- filah lah lah lyrics

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