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it's getting bad again - ethan jewell lyrics

[intro]
i think i understood it was getting bad again when i started to do everything sitting down

[verse 1]
and i think i understood it was getting bad again when a smile became more difficult to produce than a frown
when the room didn’t light up whenever i was around
and when the tears came silently
not creating any sound

[verse 2]
and i think i knew it was getting bad again
when my own internal clock stopped ticking
when the itching for joy became my new favorite pastime
when a laugh with my friends costs much more than a dime
it was more likе an act that i put on
with a grinning mouth that isn’t even mine

[pre*chorus?]
and i think i knеw things were getting bad again
when my bed went from being a resting place to being a tomb
when i couldn’t look any of my friends in the face
and when i started to assume
that i wasn’t wanted or needed
when my head felt haunted and i pleaded

[chorus]
and i think i knew it was getting bad again
when my pen felt too heavy to pick up and write
when the same d*mn haunted dreams
played in my head throughout the entire night
so i rip out my hair
in hopes that i’ll be able to see clearly
in hopes that those i love dearly will notice
[verse 3]
that the empty patches on my head express it to you
or should i keep silent
and internalize what i’m going through?
or should i continue to release my empty screams into nothingness with tears flooding down my face?
tell me
if i’m so important to you
then why am i so easily replaced?

*deep breath followed by silence*

[outro]
i think i knew it was getting bad again
when the fog came back
the crows flew away
and the darkness started to attack
when a simple conversation became exhausting
and i avoided all human contact
and when i began to wonder
if i’ll ever get my permanent smile back

[instrumental]

- ethan jewell lyrics

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