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guilty and free - erik moilanen lyrics

guilty and free lyrics
judge:sir ?

moilanen:yes, your honor?

judge: first and foremost
i will read you the accusations, followed by the verdict

do you understand?

moilanen: yes, your honor

judge: you stand accused of manipulating
a youth, in the midst of their first adult years, into
submitting to you as a person of unconditional trust
this interpersonal unbalanced dichotomy prevailed
for over half a decade, even though you were well aware
of it’s unsustainability, or by the very least it’s unsustainability
without proper communication and mutual understanding
the lack of which lead to increasingly severe and deep
mental scars on both sides but most severely on hers
despite being well aware of this fact you refused
to communicate properly
you knew that you weren’t in an authentic mental state
authentic to neither yourself, nor the one you harmed
instead of opening up , you kept the fassade going
and complete and utterly destroyed the trust and
unconditional love bestowed upon you within the blink of an eye
in doing so you you caused irreperable damage and anxiety
towards any notion of voulnerabilty within your victim
instead strengthening barriers of self doubt, and fear of
intimacy
erik :but i….

judge: please remain silent until the verdict has been completely read out
this is less of an order and more of a recomendation
or do you insist on not listening ….again ?
to put it in your words, it takes two to make one
she was part of that one
so, mr. moilanen, will you listen ?

erik: yes, your honor

judge: as i was saying
the crimes previously mentioned were comitted under the vail
of making up for what you preceived as lost years
repairing yourself, in order to feel comfortable with who your were
in theory and admirable goal
but, at what cost ?
it can become a hazardous goal if you neglect to express these feelings of
shame in a healthy manner
not to mention your regulat habit of trying to impress those around you
on a constant bases with pointless if not reckless stunts
and how did you justify these imensely immature ittarrations of insecurity?
with half hearted excuese of doing it for, and i quote
‘the greater good
for science
for society.’
when in reality , you knew, all that you did it for, if not whom you did it for, was yourself
your first*world, white*privileged, egotistical, s*x* and nostalgia*addicted self
do you have any questions ?

erik: what’s the verdict?

judge: the verdict?
isn’t it obvious?
my boy, this is all in your head
no one will ever get trialed for being a bad person
i mean: did you not get pink floyds the wall ?
did you not understand hideakis masterpiece ?
asking me for a verdict is quite frankly a ludicrous idiocy, if not an insult

the verdict is that you are a free man, who exists in real life
but i do sense that you won’t let go of this trial within your head
you can’t
and once a year, you will visit that graveyard, hidden behind all
your crazy ideas and all your positive traits and you will
go to the gravestone of her old life
the old life that you obliterated
of course she is still alife , afterall you didn’t literally k!ll her
you just destroyed a part of her soul
you are a villain in her story
it must be hard for you to imagine the pain she went through
all that hope, love and trust, just betrayed
there is a story that could mirror the kind of loss she feels, the kind of cruelty, you stood upon her
she was the bride and you were bill
in her eyes you showed no remorse as all your negative attributes ganged up on her
her, a figuretavely pregnant woman, pregnant with hope, love and trust
and they beat her to a pulp
then you gave her the final blow as she already lay almost dying on the floor
it didn’t k!ll her, but nonetheless created a casm of pain and loss
a casm you won’t ever close , irregardless of any apology you may ever utter
a casm that even if a millenial passes, won’t be healed
and then realise this: that this casm was your doing!
no one else is to blame and she will live with it for the rest of her live
because of you!

but here’s the good news
sometimes villains get redemption arcs
sure it won’t be easy to be a better person in the future but i’m fairly certain you can do it
to say it with the words of a better man than me: every where can be paradies as long as we live
maybe you can help create one such paradise
maybe even for someone else
the case is hereby closed
you are dissmissed to contemplate your life

- erik moilanen lyrics

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