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zeus vs. thor - epic rap battles of history lyrics

[intro]
epic rap battles of history!
zeus!
vs!
thor!
begin!

[zeus]
how dare you challenge my immortal throne?
i’m the father of the gods, put your daddy on the phone
maybe odin could beg me for a truce, cause when zeus lets loose
i’ll put your cross-dressing neck in a noose
i’m like medusa, i’ll stone a motherf-cker if he looks at me wrong
i’m a bull, getting b-tches with my swan schl-ng
i’m on point like poseidon’s trident
rhymes colder than the frosty b-lls of your giants

[thor]
allow thor to retort, you shape-shifting rapist
and get a taste of this scandinavian greatness
brought forth by my raging thunderstorm force
cause i don’t get nice, i get norse (noirse!)
valhalla-atcha boy and we’ll flyte it out
but keep your asgard up, i ragnarök the house
you tongue kiss your sister, that’s grosser than a gorgon
i’m the thunder down under, nailing natalie portman
who would ever worship someone as abusive as zeus is?
you’re ruthless to humans, your crew is like the clash of the douches
ruling over the greeks, a people weak and frightened
i’d spit in your face but you’d probably like it

[zeus]
only a mindless fool would knock the fathers of philosophy
my greeks built the bedrock of democracy
with astronomy, they charted out the movements of my kin
all the pimps on mount olympus and me the kingpin
let this sink in, i’m about to rain on your parade
itchy trigger finger quicker with the bolts than usain
you’re history, i’ll be the first to put it in writing
mc hammer just got struck twice by greased lightning

[thor]
rain, old man? this is hardly a drizzle
you couldn’t give the women in my homeland the sniffles
you can keep your astronomers, i’ll sail with the conquerors
for thousands of kilometers, discovering the continents
i’m alpha dog dominant, you can’t beat me
i will drop you like greece’s gdp
send you deeper underground than the depths of your hades
now make like your daddy, and swallow my babies

[zeus]
you think the underworld scares the ruler of the skies?
you’re joking, loki must have written your lines
by the time i’ve finished whipping you with wits and rhymes
you’ll need a lighter for your ship, cause a viking just died

[thor]
your glory days are over, the oracle shoulda told’ya
i’ll kick your wrinkly d-ck back in your toga like “opa”
here, take these drachma for your eyes
when you get to river styx, tell your three headed b-tch i say hi (woof!)

[outro]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide!
epic…rap battles of history!

- epic rap battles of history lyrics

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