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romeo and juliet vs bonnie and clyde - epic rap battles of history lyrics

[intro]
epic rap battles of history!
romeo & juliet!
versus!
bonnie & clyde!
begin!

[verse 1 – clyde (bonnie)]
i’ll handle this darling, i’m known to fire off some bar’s
cause if these lovers cross me, they’re gonna end up seeing stars
(i mean i’ll let you go first, but d-mn sure i’m gettin’ l1cks in
on this hissy fittin’ rich kid and this prep-b-scent vixen
i’m sick of them)
let’s beat ’em then and we can rob ’em blind
i’ll stick this punk up from the front (i’ll take this broad from behind
and pop a cap in the -ss of the last capulet heiress
give miss no nights in paris a reason to cry to her parents)
oh! romeo, o romeo, wherefore you tryin’ to flow yo?
m-f-, you soft as a fro-yo
are those the drapes or your clothes, bro? (ooh!)
there’s gonna be a tragedy
(make you ache like your b-lls on the balcony)
barrow gang put their money where their mouth is
[spit sick like a plague on both your houses!]

[verse 2 – romeo (juliet)]
my love, your face is beauty to behold
i will protect thine honor from these dust bowl d-ld-s
(a moment’s break from your gaze is an eternity past
so together we shall both put these b-tches on blast)
en garde thou artless beetle headed flax wench
the only insult you have thrust upon me is thine stench
why don’t you twist upon these nuts? i hear you’re good with a wrench
the dismal state of your raps should be a federal offense
(haha! and you there, wench with the neck of a chicken
you’ll get an -ss rippin’ worse than your boyfriend’s in prison
you’re not a true romance, you’re just a conjugal visit
oh, but that’s not even your real husband now is it?)

[clyde]
hey partner, you best put a muzzle on your missus
‘fore i teach her how we handle disrespect down in texas

[romeo]
do you quarrel sir? ho, shall i draw my long sword
or will you duck your chicken sh-t -ss back into your ford?

[bonnie]
how could you beat my man in some mano a mano?
you can’t protect your best friend from some john leguizamo!

[juliet]
no no, my romeo will beat your beau in contest blow for blow
he will do upon thine d-ck what you hath done upon your toe
(gunshot)
oh! i am k!lled, what irony is this?
the lead role shot down by a failed actress

[romeo]
then i shall k!ll myself on my stomach i shall lie
so you louts can l1ck my -ss, thus with a diss, i die

[juliet]
oops, nevermind, my flesh was merely grazed
where’s romeo? oh nomeo! there’s poison on your face!
oh happy dagger, pierce me true, persuade my breath to stop
sheath yourself inside my heart and like the beat i drop

[bonnie & clyde]
well that was tragic (that did not go as expected)
woulda done that boy some good to just wait a couple seconds
(it’s kinda sad though really, so young to have just died)
well at least we got each other
(just bonnie and-) (gunshots)

[outro]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide
epic rap… battles of history!

- epic rap battles of history lyrics

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